just like me || remus lupin

i would have said yes.

He was stupid for trying to believe otherwise. He was stupid for trying to think he deserved Cerise. He was stupid for trying to believe he deserved anyone. He was stupid for making himself believe he deserved to be happy, or in love.

He should have just stayed alone. He should have just minded his business. He should have just stopped caring about that black-haired girl who was also dwindling in his mind. He should have pushed his feelings down. He should have not cared about her at all.

He shouldn't have listened to his heart. It was the reason he was in this stupid situation in the first place. He shouldn't have listened to any of the Marauders. Now his secret was going to be out. His life was going to be over. He had hidden his disease for so long and now it was going to be all over.

Maybe his life would've turned out differently if he had just stayed the way he was.

He found himself stumbling into the prefect bathroom. He ran to one of the sinks. He looked into the mirror and stared at his face. His scars somehow looked more defined. He was still ugly and disgusting. He turned the faucet on and splashed water onto his face. He looked back up and saw the same face. Somehow, it got more ugly and disgusting to him. He stared at his scars. They were a reminder that he would always be what everyone thinks he is.

A monster.

Filth.

He brought his fist up and punched the mirror in front of him with no hesitation. The shards flew everywhere. He even had some in his hand. He didn't care. He looked down at his blood-covered fist and clenched it. He deserved pain. He deserved to be hurt and to suffer.

Out of everyone, why did Greyback have to attack him? Why did it have to be him? Why couldn't he had just had a normal life?

He heard footsteps coming from the entrance of the bathroom. He didn't know whether it was his wolf senses or if he was just that good of a listener, but he knew who's footsteps they belonged to.

"What are you doing here, Cerise," Remus bellowed not even turning to look at the girl. He worded his words as a question but Cerise knew it was rhetorical.

"You-you broke a mirror," she stuttered.

"So?"

"So? The sound rang throughout the whole bloody school! I'm surprised I'm the first one to arrive here since it was so loud—,"

"Stop!" Remus snapped. He turned to look at the girl. Her eyes flickered from the boy's face to his hand.

"Remus... Your hand—," Cerise tried to reach for it but Remus backed away.

"What is wrong with you?" He shouted. "Why are you still here? You should be running away from me! Go! Leave!"

Cerise's eyes filled with tears as she tried to find the right words to say. She couldn't. She just stood there, staring at the boy she loves. She's never seen him this broken. It felt like a part of her was breaking along with him.

"I'm giving you a chance to run away! To leave! Why are you still here? You should be gone- or- or out somewhere. With someone else! I'm not good for you, Cerise. Flynn would be perfect. Anyone else would be perfect but me."

Cerise's eyes grew angry. "What does Flynn have to do with this—,"

"I'm saying I'm not good for you! You need someone else in your life. Someone who can't kill you o-or put you in danger. Someone that's not me."

"You don't get to make that decision for me, Remus!"

"I'm doing what's best for you! And it's not me!"

"Cut the bullshit, Remus. I'm not a child! I know the difference between good and bad, and you are not a bad person."

"I'm a monster," Remus took a deep breath in. "Regulus was right. I put you in danger and I put my secret in danger. Now he'll tell everyone. Do you want to be associated with someone like me?"

Cerise would laugh if she weren't on the brink of breaking down. "You're secret coming out isn't going to change how I feel about you. You being a werewolf doesn't mean shit to me. And Sirius is probably finding a way to make Regulus shut up about it. If he doesn't, then I will."

"That still doesn't change the fact that what Regulus said was true. I am a monster. A freak. Its-you-I-I—," Remus felt like his lungs were clogging up. "You deserve someone better. I mean, I'm pathetic."

Cerise angrily groaned. "Merlin, I'm starting to think you don't listen to anything I say. You're not pathetic. You're not a monster. Y-you're perfect. There's nothing wrong with you!

"How would you know that? You've known me for what, a year? You know nothing!"

"Are you kidding me?" She looked at him like he were crazy. Maybe he was. "Remus, I've known you for years. Maybe not in the way I know you now but-, I've admired you since our first year. You've always been interesting to me and it'll stay that way. Don't bullshit me with this monster talk. You're one of the best people I've ever known. You'd never purposely choose to put someone in danger and you'd never want to hurt someone! You've been there for me when no one else has and that's why I lo—,"

Cerise stopped talking once she realized what she was going to stay. The anger in Remus's face set as he stared at the girl in front of him. His eyes were confusing. Cerise couldn't tell what he was feeling at this moment. But then again, when could she ever tell?

"Y-you—, how can you care that much about me? About anyone?" Remus heard himself choking up.

Cerise felt a chill go down her back. She shuttered before shrugging. "I just, do."

Remus's body posture relaxed. Cerise always had that effect on him. He had no idea how or why. But he wasn't as angry anymore. He wasn't sad or mad. The blood from his hands stopped dripping, the tears on his face stopped flowing. Everything stood still. Well, except him of course.

Remus didn't know what came over him. He brought his uncut hand to Cerise's cheek and pulled her closer to him. their faces were centimeters apart. They stayed like that until Cerise nodded her head slightly. In an instant, Remus smashed his lips against hers. He returned the notion. She put her arms around his neck and stood on her toes so that she could gain some height. Remus wrapped his bloody hand around her waist and pulled her in deeper. He stroked her cheek softly while he kissed her passionately.

After what felt like centuries, they pulled apart to catch their breath. They both took a deep breath in and stared at each other. Cerise got off her toes and held her hold on Remus's neck so tightly, it was as if she was scared of what would happen if she were to let go. Remus pressed his forehead against hers while he closed his eyes, taking the entire moment in. For the first time in a while, he didn't feel like a monster. He didn't feel like an accident. He had no idea what would happen once he and Cerise were to walk out of the bathroom doors, but he didn't care. For the first time in a while, he felt like himself. And it felt so fucking good.

Cerise couldn't wipe the smile off her face. Remus quickly kissed her forehead, then moved to her nose, then back to her lips. He stayed there for a few seconds before pulling away.

"By the way, this might be late but, I would have said yes," Cerise breathed out.

Remus took his head off of her forehead to get a better look at her but still kept his smile. "What?"

Cerise chucked. "Remember that stupid question you asked me before winter break when we had that mini fight? Would you stay if I was and shit?" She said using her best Remus impersonation voice.

"Oh," he chuckled thinking about it. "Yeah, I forgot about that. I'm now realizing how vague that was. I don't even think I knew what I meant."

"Well, my answer would have been yes. No matter what you do or say... I'll stay."

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this ff is aboutta take a whole new unexpected path lol