Eleven Red Lotuses | Kageyama Tobio | S/H

The Cold Night of Trauma

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     Masatomo asked a few more questions, but soon enough, he told them to get to bed.  Kageyama led her to his bedroom where they'd stay the night.  
     "Did you eat?"  He asks softly.  
     "Uh, no, I didn't."  He cocks an eyebrow at her.  
     "Shimizu-san said you had 1000 yen.  Why didn't you buy something?"  (Y/N) glances over to the side, lips pursed.
     "Miyu-san took it before I left the house.  I was gonna see if I could eat a protein bar from the gym but I kept running into machines so I didn't bother trying to get into the office."  Kageyama sighs a bit.  For being so scary, she really didn't know when to stand up for herself.  He stands up and quickly goes to the kitchen to grab some food, but there wasn't anything.  Defeated, he goes back to the room. 
     (Y/N) was already laid down, lips parted in controlled breaths.  He slips in beside her underneath the thick slate-colored blanket.  Tired from the day and with the sound of the soft rain on the window, both fell asleep quickly.  

     Slowly and groggily, Kageyama sits up.  The room seemed darker than the night before, which he quickly realized was because it was 2 in the morning.  He glances around the room as his eyes slowly adjust.
     (Y/N) was sitting up, head buried in her knees that were held to her chest by a hug from her left arm.  He leans forward to hear the unmistakable sniffle of a silent cry.  
     She jumps as his hand lands on her shoulder.  "(Y/N)?"  He whispers.  Her head picks up and she looks back at him for a moment before turning forward again.  Her right hand had been placed over her heart but fell away.  "Hey, what's going on?"  
     "Go to sleep.  It's late.  We have to be awake in 4 hours." He scoots closer to sit just beside her, arm now going fully across her back.  
     "Yeah, I know, but you're crying."  
     "If you choose to forget me, do you promise you will completely forget me?  Can you promise to never mention me and try to think of me as little as possible?"  She asks softly.  Her voice wavered like an unstable wave and it made his heart sink.
     "If I pick that, yes, I promise."  She nods.  
     "So I can trust you when I don't act defensively?  I can trust that I can be completely uncensored, and if you choose this path, you won't ever tell anyone?"  
     "Yeah.  I wouldn't say anything since it's against the agreement."  (Y/N) nods, taking in a deep breath and sighing.  
     "Miyu-san has been abusive since before I even met her.  She manipulates my entire family.  She steals money from them and then will con more out of them at dinner.  She doesn't even work, yet she has the nicest and most stuff out of everyone.  She hates me because I'm constantly calling out her scams.  I told my brother the night I met her —after she slapped him and spiked his drink and then raped him— that she was not a woman worthy of love with the way she was then and that if he was with her because he wanted to change her, he needed to stop being stupid.
     "I haven't always been so aggressive, I'm actually pretty shy.  Honestly, being so rude to people is just a way to ensure they won't mess with me, and if I die, they won't miss me.  Miyu-san used to hit me all the time before my brother died.  I think, after watching the same punches she gave me completely take his life, she got a little traumatized.  But then she just became super mean with her words... or at least I think, I don't know." 
     Kageyama stares at her for a moment as she squeezed her eyes shut, tears dripping down.  He rubs her back slowly, hoping to help at least somewhat.  
     "But maybe she's not mean, maybe I'm just a terrible person in denial.  I don't think so, but I would say that if I were in denial, wouldn't I?  Because that's denying it.  And I don't know what to believe or who to believe or what to do about it.  She's not like this to the rest of my family, she's so nice to them, and I know her money scams are all bullshit and I don't want to end up in a place where I fall into that trap, but at the same time, maybe she's actually right about all of this.  I just don't know anymore and I feel like I'm losing my sense of reality."
     He pauses for a second.  He blinks, shaking his head to himself as he pulls her against him.  "That's called gaslighting, (Y/N), and it's not your fault.  I haven't known you for very long, but I think I know you well enough to say that you're not a bad person.  You have flaws just like every single person does and yeah, I know you've probably heard that from everyone, but it's true.  It's not like you're some criminal mastermind."  
     She shakes her head a bit, her hair brushing his cheek as she did so.  "I'm just a bitch.  I spend my life blowing off school and people who try to be nice to me and go into those arenas and knock people out.  I'm rude to my superiors and I'm a manipulator just like she is.  Even you said I was stubborn.  I literally told you to talk to me for a year and then either marry me or forget that entire year of your life.  What kind of psychological warfare is that?  Yeah, most 16-year-olds are gonna just choose what would cause the least conflict, and then you're gonna be stuck in an awful marriage with an abuser who knows how to hit people to make it hurt."  
     Kageyama breaths out, grabbing onto her hand when she stood to leave.  "You're not going back out into the cold ass rain at 2 in the morning."  He tells her.  
     "Just let me go, Kageyama.  You wouldn't care if you hadn't convinced yourself you love me."  She lets out a pitiful laugh, slapping her other hand to her eyes and shaking her head.  "I can't believe I ever let my guard down.  So stupid."  
     "I would care because nobody should be walking around at a time like this.  I might consider it if you had somewhere else to go but you don't.  You're kicked out, and we both know there was no heat on in that gym.  And since when do you call me Kageyama?  I told you to call me-"
     "I know what you said, and I also know that you didn't mean it.  You think you do, but you don't.  I know it's weird to think you love someone when you don't.  I get it.  It's confusing and you really convince yourself that someone is worth your time but deep down, you know they're not.  You know you hate them."  
     "Yeah.  But I don't feel like, (Y/N).  Just like you, I find it a lot easier to find a reason to dislike someone rather than admit I like their company, especially to them directly.  It took a lot for me to say what I did and I did really think it through.  Yes, I think I was a little more encouraged to say something, but it wasn't because I'm scared to forget you, it's because you've openly admitted you would marry me.  You've made it pretty clear that no matter my choice, you'll be okay with it, so yeah, I'm looking for what will be the best for me.  Marrying you when I don't want to is toxic, but completely forgetting you when I'm in love with you is toxic, too."  
     Kageyama grabs her hips, pulling her back down onto the bed.  She falls easily and he hugs her tight for a moment as he rests his head on her shoulder.  
     "I know you're scared to trust me.  I know that you've been screwed over by people and life itself, but I'm not here to do that.  I promise you 100% that I have been and will continue to be entirely transparent with you.  If I say something nice, I mean it.  So come lay down and fall asleep so you're not tired tomorrow."  
     Hesitantly, she relaxes into his arms still wrapped around her.  Kageyama lays back and she settles just beside him.