Script? Bleep the Script!

"Sometimes love hurts," Edward argued.

"Bella must love you a lot then," Jasper muttered.

"I know," Edward sighed dreamily.

"Would someone please tell me what's going on?" Carlisle asked.

"Edward has a crush on Bella, but Bella would rather let Jane use her powers full blast on her," Alice said.

"Alice, that's nothing to joke about," Esme said.

"She's not joking," Rosalie said.

"Bella said exactly that at school yesterday, although she used more, ah, colorful language to say it," Jasper said.

"I have no idea where she heard of Jane though," Alice said. "Bella said we were the first vampires she ever met and none of us mentioned her."

"Bella knows we're vampires?"

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Harry was not only invited to the Cullen's baseball game, she was invited to play with them.

"Anyone who can do that much damage to one of us with her bare hands deserves a chance to play," Emmett said.

And then the other vampires showed up, which would have been great, except they had red eyes, making them human-drinkers, rather than animal-drinkers.

"Oh look, you brought a snack," one of them said, looking straight at Harry. Harry opened her mouth to protest, but before she could, Edward put his arm around her shoulders and growled at them. Harry shut her mouth, glared at Edward, and then proceeded to beat him with the baseball bat.

"What the fuck did I tell you about touching me, you shitty little perverted fucker?" Harry yelled. The three human-drinkers watched in horrified awe as Harry hit Edward so hard so many times that the bat began to bend into the shape of Edward's head.

"Holy shit," the female vampire said.

"I'm suddenly not hungry anymore," the one who had called her a snack said.

"I don't think I'll ever be hungry again," the last one said.

Laurent would convert to animal-drinking with help from the Denali clan, while Victoria and James left for the East Coast as soon as they could manage it.

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Harry spent most of her time in Forks cursing and beating the shit out of Edward. Harry spent most of her time not in Forks on the local reservation where she managed to convince most of the wolf pack to join the The Cullens Are Awesome – Except For Edward, He's A Fucking Douche club.

Harry was, naturally, President of the club. Jacob and Seth shared the Vice President post – Seth for the 'Cullens Are Awesome' part and Jacob for the 'Edward's a Douche' part. Leah was treasurer, because Harry had gone straight up to Sam the day after he imprinted on Emily, and punched him in the face; and also, Leah was really good at math.

Harry refrained from cursing (there were impressionable young ears around) as he informed Sam that he was an even bigger douche than Edward, and he should really work on that as being a bigger douche that Edward was nothing to be proud of.

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Esme was shocked to see the majority of the Volturi standing on her front porch when she answered the door.

"Oh, uh, hello. To what do we owe the pleasure of this visit?"

Aro raised an eyebrow, and then handed over a decorative invitation with words written in a cursive script.

You are Cordially Invited

to the Wedding of

Edward Cullen

and

Isabella Swan

At the bottom, in Edward's handwriting, was P.S. Alice wants to speak to Jane.

"Oh, that boy," Esme said. "She's going to murder him for this."

Alice ran down the stairs, grabbing the invitation and Jane's hand, before heading out the back, yelling, "Everyone to the backyard!"

"Alice, are you sure this is a good idea," Carlisle said, after reading the invitation.

"Bella would meet the Volturi one way or another. Trust me, this is the best way."

"How is a meeting in your backyard the best way?" Harry asked.

"No one will see the damage from the front," Alice said. "Jane this is Bella. Have you met before?"

"No?" At least Jane was certain she hadn't. She took a good look at Harry. "No, I've never even seen her before today."

"Huh. That's weird, because she told us she'd rather have you use your powers on her full blast than do anything with Edward."

"Then why did we get an invitation to, er?" Aro asked, trailing off in confusion.

"Invitation to what?" Harry asked. Carlisle handed the invitation over for Harry to read. Harry read it, closed her eyes, took a deep breath, opened her eyes, read it again, and then handed it back to Carlisle. The Cullens, excluding Edward, took several steps back, pulling the members of the Volturi along with them.

"Edward?"

"Yes, my love?" Edward said, smiling brightly, sure that Harry would happily marry him.

"You fucking shithead!" Harry yelled, kicking him in the balls. Edward was lifted several inches off the ground.

Harry didn't give him any time to recover before grabbing him by the legs and slamming him into the ground several times. When she got tired of that, she ripped a tree out of the ground and began to slam that into Edward.

"Are, are you not going to stop this?" Caius asked, stunned by the immense violence.

Emmett snorted, "You want to be the one to get in between her and the target of her anger, be my guest. I'm not doing it."

As Harry picked Edward up and threw him through four separate trees in one throw, the rest of the vampires had to agree with Emmett. They weren't doing it either.

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"Hi Bella, honey," Charlie said. "How was your day with the Cullens?"

"Fine, until Edward tried to make me marry him."

Charlie shook his head. The Cullens were a wonderful family, except for Edward, who seemed to be the only bad apple of the bunch. One day, the boy would figure out Bella wasn't interested and would move on.

"You show him who's boss?"

"Yep."

"Good girl."