It really wasn't that different from every other match. You looked cool and composed as always. The crowd cheer were loud and filled the court with tension. You jumped again and time froze. It was as if everything had disappeared and all I could see was you. The floor, the ceiling, the players, even the loud cheering had completely vanished. It was just me, silence and you. Even if it really lasted a few seconds, right there and then, time didn't belong. I watched you fly. For a brief moment I saw light. You raised your hand as if you were about to reach heaven. I could see your stretched arm being pulled as if the sky were calling back their children, abruptly snatching you away from me, and all I could do was look up and watch as you took flight. I was suddenly being sucked into a pitch black void. An abyss of endless anxiousness. I was merely a monster, a ghost who only wanted to hold your hand and stand by your side as a heaven's child.
I never thought that knowing happiness could be this painful. I felt my eyes wet and tears ran down my face. I couldn't stop staring at you. Mid tears my mouth slowly curled up in a smile. I am certain if anyone had seen me smile while crying would think I was creepy, but I know nobody was looking my way, after all, right in front of them was something much more breathtaking.
The longest seconds of my life were also the clearest seconds. Even though I didn't want to admit, it had finally hit me. Sunk in deep. I had never belonged there to begin with. Nor would I ever belong there. I was destined to always stay on the sidelines watching you, perplexed and amazed.
I stepped back and turned around. One after the other my feet each carried me further and further away. I didn't look back. I couldn't. I was too scared. Scared I wouldn't have the strength to face forward, the courage to lift my head once more. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath towards my frightening and lonely silence. A single, last, familiar sound... a ball. Slamming against the floor. One I knew very well the feeling. The shivers running down the spine, followed by a split second of absolute quiet, while everyone gazed, puzzled, as each and every one aimed to compreehend what had happened right before them, finally overtaken by the desperate and overwhelming calls of cheering. Though, this time, I wouldn't stay nor to watch nor to feel, I was already too aware of our differences. All I had left was the heartwarming smile stamped on your face, covered with proudness, hard work and the feeling of accomplishment, like I had seen several times before. It was your moment. An achievement I greedly wanted to cherish as ours yet felt guilty for such foolishly thoughts. I glanced over, staring at you so I could, at least one last time, put myself at ease. Unfortunately, by the time you looked my way, I wouldn't be there anymore.
I hope you won't feel upset, because, I am grateful. For what I had and for what you gave me. Thank you for being what I needed. I was truly happy. But now, I I understand, monsters weren't born to walk among angles. You were more than I ever needed, yet I would never be what you deserved. I know this was sudden, and for that, I am sorry.
I, the monster, who now sees...
Love has always been about truly valuing the one you cherish exceeding beyond their own beliefs, even if that means they will no longer be within your reach.
In the end, maturity really is quite difficult.
I know this is a selfish request... but even if for a short while, or as a harmless joke, all I ask is to know what we could have been...
So... altough it's a little too sweet, likely too small... and merely a chocolate ring, that will soon perish...
Waka, won't you marry me?
