Down on Knees

The heavy rains in the midst of the darkest night push me quickly on my way out of the place I feel so down. I feel as if carrying a huge load behind me. It sucks, it gets me drowned. In that moment, I wish to evaporate right away.

If evaporating is such an easy thing for me.

But no, I know what I am really feeling right now. My knees are already trembling. My body is shaking already. I have nowhere to run to but my feet are still stepping ahead. I feel like I'm going to be sick but not because of coldness of the pouring rain.

Gosh, I don't want to cry. But they're right. The truth really hurts, and reality really slaps so hard.

While pouring rain crawls down on my face, I fix my messy hair on my forehead to my ear behind. The heavy rains are still on, which cause me to barely see ahead of me. I don't know where I could still get the strength to continue walking even if my knees are about to give up.

I'm strong. I am very much independent. I almost have everything. That's why I really love myself.

But for the first time, I start to hate myself now.

I suddenly stop rushing out of nowhere and abruptly cover my face through my both hands. I start sobbing. I never knew that a strong person like me would fall down on my knees, and that's the time I cried so hard that I even shout out of my anger.

No, this could not be! Why should it happen that way?!