Heliophilia; d.m

XLVI

VIOLET

As they say, sometimes a person needs only a second to forget a whole life, and sometimes a person does not have enough life to forget one second.

I could admit that when my illusion led me to the house in Spain, in just one second I almost forgot everything that had happened before.
Because I thought it was worth it, I thought all the suffering was worth it to spend the rest of my life where I wanted to be. I was happy, and happiness is much stronger than pain.

But it was only a dream, one short dream that lasted only a few minutes — but as the days and months passed, I couldn't get those minutes out of my mind.

Every day I returned there, and no potions or pills were able to help me.

After that panic attack the day Cedric Diggory had died again, and after I'd told Draco the whole dream, he was always there for me. For the rest of the school year, and even in the summer, when he had free time, he spent it with me, at Mariel's house. We sat on the swings together, swam in the pool a couple of times, made fun of the neighborhood Muggle kids, picked cherries in the garden, and talked, talked, talked.

It was a time of pure joy for me, and even though I wouldn't have returned to Hogwarts, after my father's misgivings, I felt nothing but happiness.

On the last day of summer, the last day before Draco went back to school, he kissed me. And it felt exactly the same as in my dream — I felt as if I had soared to the skies when our lips touched.

From that moment on, we were together again. It was like a second chance that we should have used more wisely, without betting, without stupid fights, without secrets from each other, and without all the dark and evil that I had already seen.

Draco wrote letters every Sunday, telling me what had happened during the week, how Kristen had fallen out with her new roommate again, or how Crabbe had disgraced himself in front of the girl he was in love with. He talked about things that were not in my dream, and I couldn't help but be happy about it. It was not a prophetic dream, and since Cedric's death, there had been no repetition of the events. I no longer thought about what I had experienced in the other world — in the dream world, I had lived here and now, and I was looking forward to Christmas.

"I'm not used to such a terribly boring life anymore!" I groaned into my pillow when Draco told me about his last days at Hogwarts. — The snowball fight, the gift exchange, and the teacher banter are all against my days: sitting at home with a little Christmas tree in Mariel's living room, and boring conversations with my father.

In fact, it was like that every year, but after a few months at Hogwarts, my standards and preferences had changed.

"And I wasn't used to not having a thorn to make fun of every day." He said, pursing his lips to hide a smile, when I looked up at him.

His hair was disheveled from the winter wind, and the color still lingered on his cheeks.

"I'm sorry." I said sarcastically, sitting up on the bed and picking up one of the pillows. "But I'm not your punching bag." The pillow flew at Draco, his hair falling over his eyes, and his mouth curved into a smile that slowly turned into a soft laugh.

"It's more like I'm your punching bag."

"Should I blow where it hurts?" I crawled up to his grinning face, looking up at him from under my brows, and brought my lips to his forehead, leaving a brief kiss on his warm skin.

His hands went to my waist, pulling me closer, but when he reached for my lips, I twisted out of his grasp, and stood up from the bed, raising an eyebrow at his disappointed face.

"You are unbearable." He sighed, and stood up after me, running a hand through his hair.

"You told me that a hundred times, but you still loved me," The words were out of my mouth before I could think, and when I realized what they meant, I pursed my lips, my smile instantly fading.

"I mean, in my dream." I mumbled, feeling the warmth rising to my cheeks — since when did I become so coy?

"Surprising, isn't it?" Draco said after a few seconds, breaking the tense silence. His voice was as jocular as ever, and I let out a small sigh of relief — I thought it was too early for us to talk about love, since we were together for not so long.

"It's not, you were head over heels in love with me, you did everything I asked, and even if I didn't ask, you did what I wanted." I said in a mocking tone, with a sly smile, leaning my lower back against the table.
I suddenly felt hot and stuffy in the room.

"What an idiot I was in your dream." Draco's brows were furrowed, but he sounded amused, "I was henpecked, did you threaten me?"

"Shut up, and better open the window, it's stuffy in here." With an eye roll, I said, pulling the neck of my sweater away from my skin.

"To let your breath seep out?"

Again. It wasn't something from real life, it was something from my dream, and just like the last time, I froze, unable to say anything, but just stared at Draco, who still reached for the window handle.

I didn't even notice the window open until a cold blast of air blew into my face, and Draco was standing in front of me again, his smile still on his face.

"It's just a phrase, it's just a coincidence, nothing happens." I told myself to get my thoughts in order — I managed not to give in to the fear, and within seconds, I could already feel my heartbeat slowing down.

"No, to let me get some fresh air and not suffocate."

As much as I loved this poem, and as much as I loved the moments when we told it in two voices, I didn't want anything from that life to be in this one. Even moments of absolute happiness and serenity — I wanted us to create something new in reality.

I saw a slight sadness come into Draco's eyes, and his shoulders slump a little, but he quickly pulled himself together, and with a sly smile, he reached into the inside pocket of his jacket.

"I got something for you."

"And what is it?"

"Christmas gift." He opened his hand in front of me, and I saw a silver bracelet with several pendants — a small lilac flower, a quill, a blueberry, the letter V, the letter D, which were next to each other, a key and the sun.

So symbolic and so familiar... 

I'd never told him about the bracelet he'd given me on the beach on my birthday, but now it glittered in his fingers and then on my wrist.

I suddenly felt a heaviness in my chest that made it hard to breathe.

"Do you like it?"

"I do." I said as soon as he finished speaking, and as I took a step toward the nightstand to pull out the gift I'd prepared for him, I felt everything move in front of me, my vision unfocused, a deafening noise in my ears, and then... only darkness.