Sempiternity (COMPLETED)

VIII Part 2

It only took a moment for Arend’s expression to change from surprise to perplexed mistrust. “What are you doing here?”

Natalia let off a pretty smile and looked down from Arend’s harsh gaze. Around her petite shoulders was a dark colored shawl to help insulate her from the world’s cold. “I wanted to see you before you left. I didn’t know if I ever would, again…”

Arend looked at her for another second before turning and raising his chin into the air. He began to speak, but was cut off by Natalia’s faltering words.

“I know you have that girl you always hang around, so you probably have enough company, but… I just needed to see you again. I’m sorry…”

“Don’t apologize,” he spat. All the curious discussion he had earlier with Avdotya was past, and now Arend felt as if he was wasting his time with this girl, whom he had thought was gone from his life. “Just tell me what you’re doing here.” He had left early, and by this time of day, school hadn’t yet ended – meaning there really was no reason for Natalia to be standing in front of him.

The girl looked away and avoided his question once again. “When I caught word that you were skipping town, I just… I needed to ask you something. Please, just answer my few questions… That’s all I ask.” She crossed her arms delicately, and it was clear that she was forcing herself to press the boy like this. 

Arend hesitated as he gave a glance around the deserted lot in front of the train station and idly wondered when Klaytaza would return to the station; he had sent her off ahead to arrange tickets and an accurate route for the two of them. Without her, there would be no telling if he was in danger, and no guarantee that time could be stopped outside of her presence. 

Natalia took Arend’s silence as acceptance, and continued. “How has the pen served you? Did you get it to write?” She looked innocent enough whilst speaking, but Arend couldn’t shake his feeling of anxiety in the situation. He nodded a silent yes to her question, and she continued. “Amazing… I knew you, of all people, could do it. That girl you sit next to in class… Is she, well… Your girlfriend?”

“No… It’s not like that,” Arend stated with a blush. He hid his face with his hand in surprise – why was he blushing at the concept of dating Klaytaza? “Not at all. It’s… complicated.” 

Suddenly Natalia was close to Arend, closer than he would have liked. “I’m glad! Only because… Well, I…” The girl’s face bloomed with color as she took a tentative step backwards. Arend said nothing – he couldn’t decide if this was really just a hopeless girl’s emotional goodbyes or something to really be worried about.

Enough was enough, he thought to himself. He had not the time for such wastes. “Do you have any other questions for me?”

Natalia cleared her throat and began to play with her hair. “I wanted to know if you’ve ever loved anyone before.”

The question had an unintended effect of shocking Arend to his core. The boy looked off at nothing in particular, and said nothing in particular. But his heart began to shake; his legs began to buckle; his eyes began to tear up. At any other time in his life, Arend would have been able to say “Of course not,” with a straight face and a humorless frown, but now – after the most honest discussion he’d ever had with his sister, the only human he was ever close to loving ¬– he felt that he could not say such things. To deny the emotion he had felt; to refuse the existence of the intellectual warmth he had felt within his and Avdotya’s consciousness; to do so would have been blasphemy. He did not hear Natalia asking the question, but rather he remembered how he felt when Avdotya asked him that very question. He remembered how painful it was to brush her off – how her eyes shed so much misery when she realized just how distant her older brother truly was – and he was still in awe at the fact that these emotions were taking him over. What exactly had happened that was bringing him back to the realm of human empathy? Hadn’t he forsaken such things in favor of his philosophical goals? Arend Vitalis was completely confused, out of the loop, and had no idea how his own consciousness was working, or why it was working the way it did. His body shook as his mind searched through itself, finding everything but the answer to nothing. As always, he only had questions, endless questions.

“Hello? Arend, are you okay?” Natalia shook his shoulder and Arend came back to his senses. She was even closer than before, now mere inches away from his face. The two looked in each other’s eyes as both their faces heated up. 

Next an explosion of emotion burst within Arend’s chest, as if a flower of his mind had suddenly bloomed. He was curious, both about Natalia’s true feelings and about her body; he felt vindicated and frustrated that these had come so suddenly to him when he had thrown them away in the past; he felt pain, as he missed Klaytaza and desperately wanted her to be near him at the moment; and he felt scornful, angry with Natalia for being annoying and in his way with her contagious feelings. He saw Avdotya asking her questions before he blinked and remembered that it was Natalia in front of his face. An idea crept into his head, one that he decided to take and explore.

Wrapping his hands around Natalia’s round face, he pulled her closely and kissed her. The girl looked at him in surprise for a moment as their lips locked before she closed her eyes and melted into his arms. The kiss was not very long, but it lasted long enough for Natalia to rub her hands on Arend’s chest and open her legs slightly. Her face, which Arend observed the entire time with open eyes, was melded into a look of pure bliss and pleasure. As the kiss ended and Arend pulled away from the girl’s pink lips, her legs opened slightly and she let out a desperate breath for air.

Pushing his knee between Natalia’s legs, Arend looked sharply into the girls’ opening eyes. “The answer is no. I have never loved anyone before.” 

The girl’s face lost its vizard of happiness and the breaking of her heart was clearly written on her face. She tried to say something but stuttered and only was able to reach out to Arend, attempting to hold his hand. The boy removed his hand and put it in his pocket before looking towards her with a look of pure disdain.

“I reject you and all that you uphold. Your feelings… mean nothing to me. In all the world, feelings mean nothing. Emotion is worthless.”

Natalia balled her hands up into fists as tears welled up in her eyes. “That’s why you’re alone, you know?” 

“…What?” Arend had turned away to leave, but now he stopped and looked back at the girl in the shawl. 

“That’s why you’re so alone. That rejection of emotion… You won’t have me, or anyone else, will you?” Her question went unanswered. “You won’t get close to anyone because you can’t get to know them… And you won’t get to know them because you aren’t close to anyone!” She sniffed and rubbed at her lips with a finger. “I don’t know what I’m saying… or what I’m feeling… But I know that if you go now, you will die. Don’t ask me how I know, but I do… So please, I’m begging you. Stay with me… Love me!”

“As if I have the time or the energy to bother with that. My existence is meaningless… And all of humanity is twisted. Selfish. A slave to a world of scars and dust. We have lost everything to time, and space, and darkness; it is time we stop resisting its holds and return. I reject your love, yes! And I also reject existence! I cry out into my people, and all of life – I reject!”

“I see… I guess there’s no reason for me to hesitate anymore, then,” Natalia muttered to herself. In a louder voice, she continued. “You push me away because of your situation and the way the world is; but if we were in a utopia, a perfect world created anew… then would you love me?” 

Arend paused and his body instantly tensed up, like a rope pulled to its breaking point. In the brief moment before he turned around and looked back at Natalia, he felt every drop of sweat on his skin and heard every beat his rapid heart made. He turned and looked at Natalia, who now spoke with a completely new voice and wore an expression of uncharacteristic intelligence. He was going to ask what she said, but could not find the breath to do so once he saw her once again.

Behind Natalia Monomus was a Key to Eternity. 

KEYS TO ETERNITY REMAINING: 994