good things fall apart • sirius black

We are Gods

"It wasn't real, mate. You can sleep." Voice sleepy, but mind on high alert, James managed to get Sirius to let go of his wrist so he could go to find his glasses. Once he had, he lit the oil lamp in the bathroom to give them some light, a warm yellow glow spilling from underneath the door.

Sirius was shaking like he always did when he woke up from a nightmare, stormy grey eyes swirling with emotions James couldn't even imagine. His head slowly turned to face his best friend, the boy's messy hair even more unruly than usual, but James wasn't sure he was really being seen. Sirius looked distant and as if his mind was still trapped in his nightmare. Which it was.

James had enough sense to realise that his best friend never had nightmares when Ellie slept by his side, but with her tucked up in her own dorm, there was no way to get to her. Instead, he sat himself on the edge of Sirius' bed until he was ready to speak.

They'd done this lots of times. Especially in first year when Sirius first got sorted into Gryffindor. The handsome boy had been terrified about what would happen to him when he went home for Christmas. He'd written to his parents and to Regulus, but no one ever replied. The thought of what would come of him now that he wasn't Slytherin kept Sirius up at night for weeks and when he did sleep, he'd have horrendous nightmares. He'd wake the rest of the boys up every time with his shouting in the night, but James quickly got into a routine of waking him up when it happened. They'd both wrap themselves up in Sirius' duvet and talk until the handsome boy was ready to go back to sleep again. And James never complained.

When Ellie began to crash in their dorm most nights, being forced into Sirius' bed out of elimination, his nightmares seemed to dissolve. It was completely bizarre, but James never had to get up in the middle of the night and Sirius' sleep remained dreamless. Not unless Ellie spent a random night in her dorm.

For some strange reason, the beautiful girl acted as a shield from the darkness that crept into Sirius' mind at night and even though he'd never told her, he was extremely grateful. The handsome boy wouldn't know what he'd do if she left him to fend for himself on a regular basis - him waking up now a prime example of how his nightmares came back without her.

Sirius felt he had no one to turn to when he got put in Gryffindor. If he were in Slytherin, there would've been Narcissa Black (his youngest cousin) and Andromeda Black (his favourite cousin). At that time, Sirius was still cast under his family's spell and believed the only way he'd survive at Hogwarts, would be under the protection of his cousins and the family's house. But instead, he'd found himself in the house of the lions with no one he knew. Narcissa wouldn't cast him a second glance in the hallways, no matter how hard he tried to speak to her, for she was disgusted he hadn't turned out Slytherin. In her mind that meant he weren't a true Black and the rest of his family seemed to think the same. Andromeda wanted to speak to Sirius, she was very fond of her eldest cousin, but every time she did Narcissa was there to drag her away.

Now, Andromeda was the only cousin he could tolerate, for she herself had been branded a 'blood traitor'.

At the end of Sirius' first year, she graduated, quickly going on to marry her boyfriend - Muggle-born Wizard called Ted Tonks. Sirius thought it was great and he was very happy for his cousin, but Blacks don't have associations with anyone that isn't of the purest blood. Andromeda tarnished her family's reputation by not only marrying, but then going on to start a family with a Muggle-born, consequently having her cast out. It wasn't until then, that Sirius realised just how warped his family's views were, for Andromeda had only ever been kind to him. She was beautiful and had a gentle soul, had been the perfect member of their family that everyone doted over. Yet, they'd still cast her out anyway.

By second year, Sirius was starting to rebel because of it. He no longer supported anything his family did that seemed even remotely questionable and he had Ellie and James talk a lot about their views on Muggles, Muggle-borns and anything related. He had Remus and Peter educate him in all things non-magic and how they worked. Remus would tell him about classic Muggle literature and the different culture, and Peter would explain what it was like to live in a world without magic. The more he heard, the more he was fascinated, and the more he couldn't believe he ever brought into the lies his parents spread.