Out of the Blue

Chapter 1

Idina had barely stepped out of the shower when there was a knock at her dressing room door, it was so quiet that she easily could have ignored it but she knew whoever it was would probably just come back later and she'd rather just get it over and done with so she could leave, "just a minute" she called, quickly drying herself with the towel wrapped around her body before pulling on her robe, "okay, come in." 

"Oh" Jackie was surprised to see Idina in just a robe as she stepped in the room, "sorry, you could have told me to go away, I didn't realise you…" 

"It's okay" Idina grabbed her clothes, turning her back on the other woman to pull on her underwear and sweatpants beneath the robe, "I know I'm not green anymore but I still like to shower after a show, it helps me decompress and it means I can get straight into bed when I get home."

"I hear you" Jackie had turned away when she realised Idina was getting dressed, allowing Idina to put on her bra and sweater too. "I'm sure I was still finding green in my ears and my hair weeks after I left the show."

Idina smiled and put her robe back on the hook, "I'm done, thanks" she moved to sit on the edge of her dressing table, "did you want me for something?" 

"I wanted to see you before you left, to tell you to enjoy your break and not to worry about a thing, I promise to take good care of Elizabeth until you're back." 

It had been almost six months since Taye had left for the West Coast, and, unfortunately for Idina, Walker had gone with him. She and Taye had told their son about the move together and Taye had been just as shocked as Idina when Walker asked if he could go too. The three of them had talked it over together, explaining that he'd be a long way away from his Mommy, that he wouldn't get to see her that often, and Taye and Idina had spoken about it too. Taye wanted to be sure Idina was okay with him taking their son to the other side of the country, told her that he didn't mind being the bad guy if she wanted Walker to stay with her, he'd be the one to tell Walker he had to stay in New York. Idina had been devastated at the thought of her son being so far away, but she knew, as a Mom, she had to put him first, if Walker would be happy in LA with Taye, then she had to let him go. And that's what she'd done. Taye had told Idina she was welcome to visit whenever she wanted and he promised that, if Walker ever became unhappy with his new living situation, he'd fly him straight back to her. Unfortunately for Idina, Walker loved his new life, so much so that even their facetime chats were brief, her son eager to be doing pretty much anything but talk to her and she often spent more time listening to Taye apologise for Walker ending the call abruptly than she did talking to her son. So, in a desperate attempt to lighten her heavy heart, she'd taken a week's vacation from the show to visit her son, hoping he'd be more willing to spend time with her in person than on a screen.

"Thank you, and don't you worry either, you'll ace it, make your own shoes, don't feel like you have to fill mine." 

Jackie blushed slightly, there was a part of her that still struggled to believe that she was stand in for Idina Menzel, that she was trusted with such a phenomenal role. "I wish the audiences thought that way, they'll all be asking for refunds as soon as they realise I'm not you!" 

"Well then it's their loss" Idina winked playfully as she stood and slipped her feet into her sneakers, "I should probably go out before I start getting harassed on twitter about not showing my face at stage door." 

"Sure, sorry for keeping you." Jackie didn't know why but she felt the urge to hug the woman in front of her, so she did, she wrapped her arms around Idina and pulled her close, frowning slightly as she held onto her for a moment before letting go, "enjoy your break" she plastered on a smile as she stepped back from the hug, "see you next week." 

As Jackie opened the dressing room door to leave, she came face to face with Jenn, the blonde just about to knock on Idina's door, "this isn't your dressing room yet" she teased. 

"No, just checking the place out, sizing it up for next week" she joked before reaching out to hug Jenn. 

"Oh" Jenn was surprised but she didn't hesitate to return the hug, "are you okay?" she asked. 

Jackie nodded, "hug her" she whispered in Jenn's ear, not giving her chance to respond before stepping back from the hug, "right, I'll leave you two lovely ladies to go see your adoring public, enjoy your break Idina, and I'll see you tomorrow Jenn." 

"Are you heading out?" Jenn asked Idina, slipping her hands into her pockets as she leaned against the doorframe, studying the woman in front of her, wondering if Jackie knew something she didn't. She noticed Idina looked tired but she didn't think anything of that, she'd been giving her all to the show for months, it was no wonder she was exhausted, but she was about to take a week off so Jenn wasn't too worried about that. 

"You go out, I'll join you in a couple of minutes, I just need to…" her words interrupted Jenn's thoughts and she gestured vaguely towards her bathroom. She'd been about to say yes, that she was on her way to the stage door, but then she'd caught sight of herself in the mirror, her face free of all the makeup she'd worn on stage, and quickly changed her mind. She waited until Jenn left before stepping closer to the mirror and studying herself for a moment. When did she start to look so old? She felt like she'd aged 20 years in the past six months, there was no way she could let people see her like this. She was quick, stepping out of the stage door with a full face of makeup just five minutes after Jenn. 

Idina wasn't sure she'd ever get used to this. She loved her fans and would always be grateful for their support, for the fact that they allowed her to do the job she loved, but at the same time, she often found the crowds, the people yelling her name, a little overwhelming, but she just had to suck it up. She had to put on her show smile, sign the playbills and pose for the selfies, she could, and would, deal with her anxiety once she was safely back in her apartment. She was an actress. She could do this. 

Forty minutes later she'd had enough, and, after apologising to everyone still waiting, she headed back into the theatre, wanting nothing more than to go home, have a whiskey or two and then crawl into bed. "Hey" Jenn saw her as she made her way back to stage door once she'd got her things from her dressing room, "you weren't going to leave without saying goodbye were you?" 

Idina rolled her eyes, "I'm only going to be gone for a week." She wasn't sure that was true, she was convinced that once Jackie really got into the role, nobody would want her back, Jackie was younger and prettier than her and she was probably a far better actress too, there was no doubt in Idina's mind that Jackie would do a better job than she'd been doing. 

"Doesn't matter" Jenn shrugged, "I still wanted to say bye before you go" she pulled Idina into a hug, realising instantly what Jackie had noticed. Idina was barely more than skin and bones, she felt so tiny in Jenn's arms, and, as Jenn gently rubbed her back, she could feel each of Idina's vertebrae underneath her fingers. "Enjoy your break" she didn't break the hug until Idina pulled back, "get some rest and look after yourself yeah?" she said before she kissed Idina's cheek. "I mean it. You've been giving the show your everything since, well, I don't know when, you've earned the time off, use it to put yourself first for once."

"Yeah" Idina forced a smile, "I'll do my best." 

Jenn frowned as Idina walked away, she took the opportunity to truly study the other woman and she couldn't believe she'd missed it, that Idina had been falling apart in front of them and nobody had noticed. Idina left the theatre with her head bowed, hoping nobody noticed her, she could almost feel the energy draining from her body with each step she took and she wasn't sure she had it in her to force a smile if she was stopped by a fan, she knew she would though, if someone recognised her she'd stop and chat, she'd smile and pose for a picture, she could only imagine what her critics would have to say if she didn't. 

Jenn took out her phone as she made her way home, sending a text to Jackie as she walked, 'Know what you mean about I, lunch tomorrow before the show? Jx' she hoped that the break would help, that Idina had been pushing herself too hard and that a week away from the show would be enough for her to recharge and reset, that she'd be 'better' when she came back. She didn't want to risk it though, if the break didn't help, if Idina was still struggling, Jenn wanted a plan. She wanted to be able to help her friend, especially if she wasn't able to help herself.