Irresistibly Sweet

The Beach

As the seconds ticked away, I started to forget everything again...

The cooling feel of water calmed me down. I've thought many times while staying under water..."what if I decided not to go back to the surface...?"

A wry smile touched my lips. Dying had never been scary. I spent countless days in the pool back home, staying underwater to watch the beautiful sun rays pass through the liquid to touch the cold pool floor. I liked sitting on the floor of it because it was difficult to keep myself from floating up. I hated floating back up for air, it ruined the peace I managed to make underwater.

Closing my eyes, I inhaled as much air as I could before letting myself slowly sink. Seawater hurt my eyes but I refused to close them... the sky always did look prettier from down here...

Alice

I blinked underwater, bubbles of air escaping my lips as I tried going back up to the surface. The voice was like an electric shock to my entire being.

Breaking out of my own personal prison, I gasped for air while my eyes stung with salt water and tears.

You have really nice eyes, Alice. They're just like chocolate.

I laughed. Those were the words of the little boy I fell in love with. I looked up while my tears continued to stream down my face. I really hate myself for being like this.

Honestly, I remember not liking Tyler when I first met him. Even though it was when we were very little, I remember it perfectly. I was disgusted by his chocolate covered face, wondering why I was supposed to marry a chocolate slob. But every time I came to visit, he'd take my hand and play with me. He loved my eyes and he even kissed my hand while pretending to be a prince saving princess Chocolate. 

He was just adorable.

But I also remembered the time I cried so hard when I had to leave for home. It was the time no one was talking to me at home. Mommy and daddy were already giving each other the cold shoulder and they often forget I'm even there. I would sit in that house for hours while watching television and reading books. I had no one to play with, and the housekeeper and maids were always so busy, plus my parents didn't like it when I associated with servants. I'd get punished for disturbing their work and they'd pretend I don't exist which was just another excuse to continue ignoring me.

I clung to Tyler, pleading to let me stay longer, telling him that I didn't wanna go back. I was crying so much that I was ruining Tyler's shirt. I told him that I love him, that I need him. I was so desperate back then that it was hilarious. Of course Tyler would shove me away. He always hated it when I was so clingy, plus he was more of a child than I ever had the chance to be. He lived in a warm environment. He was loved. I only felt loved when I was with him, and visiting him had always been the only thing I looked forward to in my little life. He never would've understood. So when they finally got me off of him, I stopped crying. I found it useless to tell him anything more. I let myself be stirred away, but not before seeing Tyler frown at his shirt and then smile at me while waving goodbye.

My parents weren't really bad people. They were bad at being parents. But I didn't really know that back then. I thought I could make them look at me, see me, acknowledge me if I did very well in everything, but after years of trying I realized it will never work.

So I just stopped. I didn't go to school, I didn't have many friends to begin with because I was too focused on one thing only, and that was for my parents to at least say something about me. Sure they'd throw in a compliment here and there, a reminder, a warning, a word of affection, but they were empty. They were too focused on hating each other to even notice the first time I tried drowning in the pool. I had spent hours there, but the housekeeper saved me and I made her promise not to tell my parents, telling her that it was only an accident and I really just fell asleep.