Crown of a Prince (Finn Shelby)

33.

"We killed them Ailbhe" Finn told her. It wasn't the first man Finn had seen die by no means but it was the first time Finn had been involved in the killing and wanted him dead, wanted him to die suffering.

"I know" she whispered, feeling his hands on her waist.

They were hands that had killed two men yesterday but the way he held her, how he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the red marks around her neck, it was so gentle and soft that Ailbhe knew Finn would never harm her.

"I had wanted to kill them, I wanted to do it" Finn admitted, his hands holding onto her soft skin and rooting him in the present, right where he was with her.

She could do that to him, pull him back and remind him what and who he was. That he wasn't a killing machine or a senseless monster.

Ailbhe was silent as she listened, her fingers absentmindedly running up and down his neck. It made him think that she was listening, that she heard him and understood him without judgement. Her eyes watched his carefully as he looked away from her sometimes to avoid her gaze for fear she would look at him with fear or judgement but it didn't happen.

"Yesterday, at Artillery Square" he spoke quietly, for fear anyone but Ailbhe would hear him because it was something, he wouldn't admit to anyone else.

"I wouldn't have been able to pull that trigger, I know I wouldn't" He sighed, looking away from her "I'm not John"

Ailbhe knew Finn struggled with what they had to do sometimes, with right and wrong and having the ability to take someone's life just because you could, because you were told to.

"I know" Ailbhe whispered back, feeling how he was tense beneath her, how his eyes avoided hers.

"But yesterday, when I knew what they did to you... what they had planned to do to you" He paused, tensing just at the thought of what they would have done to her if they hadn't arrived when they did.

"I took their eyes and I didn't even think twice about it, it was like a switch in my head. I could do it but only when I knew what they had planned to do"

He admitted, finally looking back at her. She was listening, not making comments or trying to answer his doubts. She just waited until he was finished talking, until he had gotten it off his chest.

"Finn" she whispered, putting a hand on either side of his face, making sure he looked at her when she spoke "You saved me yesterday. You saved my life and you made the men who threatened to ruin me and kill me pay for it"

He looked at her, knowing she was being genuine because she never lied to him, not in all their years. Her eyes were full of emotion but it was hard to tell what ones as she watched him soften, ease beneath her hands and understand what she was saying. Maybe their consciences were fucked up, maybe they didn't have any and maybe they were destined for hell as sure as the sun would set, but this was their life and she had told him she loved him. None of the rest seemed to be of consequence.

He nodded, closing his eyes and leaning in to rest his forehead against hers. The only noise in the room being the sound of their breathing for a moment. Until Finn opened his mouth

"I love you" he whispered, so close to her she could feel the words on her lips.

He waited, his eyes closed and terrified she wouldn't say it back, that she regretted saying it last night and that it had been in the heat of the moment after such a traumatic day. But she didn't leave him waiting.

"I love you" it was almost a sigh of relief, something that she had been holding in forever.

With that, she pressed a kiss to his lips and wanted to forget everything else. She wanted to get lost in him, always. As usual, Finn took control. His hands slipped up her back, holding her against him and deepening their kiss. He was extra careful not to hurt her, not to be rough with her as she had bruises and injuries from the day before. He didn't want to rush her or make her uncomfortable but she twisted, changing her position so she was straddling him and leaning over him to kiss him, her hands around his neck.