Self-Destruction Made Easy: An Alex Rider Fanfiction

A Mind Can Only Take So Much

   I'm back! I actually had a sort of epiphany, and so here is my next chapter. I actually scrapped a bunch of stuff because I really liked the opening I had created for myself. Also, this chapter is short compared to my other ones and written faster and sloppier. Sorry about that! Also, a huge thanks to owlin_around and PurePreet because they've interacted a lot with this story, and have been a huge motivating factor for me. Also, a really genuine thank you from the bottom of my heart to anyone who's read this story thus far. It's always amazing to me that people actually see this, and think it's good. AND THEN even though my upload schedule is awful, they come and read some more. I love you guys, and thank you for reading!

--Panic!

Alex woke with a start, the bed creaking below him. He sat up violently, and could immediately sense something was wrong. Warm air gently brushed against his ear, and his reflexes took hold. Before the person next to him could even attempt to react, Alex's fist connected with their face. The unknown assailant grunted and stumbled backward into the wall, and used the nightstand as a crutch. As soon as Alex's feet hit the floor, he was in a defensive position using the knife from under his pillow as a deadly shield. Blood trickled from his attacker's nose and down their face, and they let out a stream of curses.

"Dude, what the fuck. Are you kidding me?! This is a new shirt." And to Alex's surprise, it was none other than Mr. DeLong, the man he had personally killed ten months ago. Filled with shock and rage, it took more than a second to process what he was seeing. But he didn't question it. He just went for the throat, although in his personal experience, Mr. DeLong didn't talk like that. Before he could slit the sadist's throat, however, he was stopped by another set of hands which grabbed him around the chest and forced the knife out of his hands. This was really when his flight or fight responses kicked in. He lashed out behind him with his foot and got the man holding him right in the balls. The other man had no choice but to let him go, and Alex rolled to the side, picking up the discarded knife in the process.

"Alex stop! It's Tony and Clint!" Six words he didn't think he would hear, because it was so obviously a lie. He glared at his attempted kidnappers, because did they really think he was that stupid. He was absolutely sure it was Mr. DeLong, there was no way it wasn't. 'Except...' Alex realized with a morbid sense of clarity that it was, in fact, Tony and Clint. Not Mr. Delong. Not a hired assassin. Just his employers.

It seemed like his whole body went numb. It felt like his mind was being hijacked. His vision became engulfed in static, and he dropped the knife. He stared blankly at Tony and Clint.

"What?" He asked, cluelessly. Alex felt insane. How could he make that idiotic mistake? That deadly mistake. Apparently, he had just snapped, his mind couldn't take it anymore. Or at least he felt like it. Tears welled up in his eyes for the first time in a long time, and he felt worse and worse each second. "What?" He asked again. "No, you-...you're lying." Deep down he was still suspicious. They sure looked like 'em, but there was no way. He was right. He had to be. Or else...he was crazy. "You can't be. You're lying...you have to be." Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit. 'Stop talking Alex, you're going to give yourself away. They can't know, they just can't.'

And then he realized, the only thing stopping him from telling them was MI6. The people who had done this to him. The people who had broken his mind, killed his family and friends, and ruined any chance he had at normalcy. They had nothing to make him stay. He knew it, and so did they. The only thing they could actually do was kill him, and that wasn't really an issue for him at the moment.

After all, one of the most terrifying things is a killer who does not fear Death, but welcomes him.

If anything, Alex had more reason to tell Tony and Clint outright than to keep it a secret.

He wanted to expose MI6, he wanted to make them hurt, and more than anything else, he wanted to take them down. Why should he care what happened to them? In fact, what was stopping him from fighting against them with everything he had? He felt more like a villain than a hero anyway. So he spoke, with a new sense of clarity and a new resolve.

"Tony? I'm sorry for punching you, I mistook you for someone else."

"Er...It's ok kid. I shouldn't have been so close. It was a mistake."

"I need to tell you something."

"What is it, Alex?" Clint responded.

"I'm the world's youngest spy and I work for MI6."

I don't know if you can tell where this is gonna go, but as always feedback is welcome! Soooooo.......questions? Criticism? Opinions? If you think there is something I should fix, if something's inaccurate, or even if there's something you think I should add, don't hesitate to say so!

-- Thank you and Ily,

Panic!