Miscarriage | ✓

Miscarriage: a bad mother.?

"Yeah, it was my mistake, it IS my mistake, I could not take care of my child, of my own child, I'm not a good mother, I'm not meant to be a mother.. no.. no..no.. my baby.... (she caresses her stomach) I'm sorry baby.. I'm a bad mother, I didn't listen to your dad, I'm a bad mother... I could have called your aunt, I'm a bad mother I could have stayed back..." she cried out louder.

"Bani Bani no... we are not blaming you.. don't take it in a wrong way.. no please" Meera sat beside and took her in her arms tightly.

Bani had left alone to rest in the room. But sleep was far away from her. Her eyes had swelled up. She wanted  anything but rest.

All she could think was about the time she spent with Veer and her while talking about the baby. Planning about their future days.

"I'm so sorry baby, I couldn't save you, I couldn't protect you,(caressing her tummy with tears in eyes) I know, your angry on your mumma right..?,I'm so sorry, why this happened with us baby..? Didn't I deserve you..? Didn't I deserve to be a mom..? And that's why you left me back crying..wish I could come with you.. wish I could have listened to your dad" Veer who stood behind the doors heard her talks and with his tears pooled up he went back, without getting in to the room. This pinned his heart,listening Bani to go back with baby, he couldn't listen further he left with tear.

"It's my mistake baby I'm so so sorry, I don't know if ever after this I could get you back..? I'm sorry baby I really am.  Please do forgive your momma.. and give a chance.
It's all my mistake, it's all my carelessness, I could have listened to your dad...I could have listened to your dad... I'm a bad mother.. I didn't deserve to be a mom... uh uh uhhhh😭" she cried harder and drifted off letting the tears fall down.

________________

The singhania mansion was unusually silent. There were no giggles no talks and no life. Balwanth tried a lot to talk to Bani. But Bani had turned to a zombie. Neither she spoke nor she cried. This behaviour of her disturbed the peace of their home. For them Bani was a reason that they came back to live. And now it felt like somebody had snatched away the soul from the body.

It was 5 days to her miscarriage. Bani had not even stepped out of her room. All she would do was she just walked over the washroom, only to pee. Her food habits had reduced.

"Bani.. c'mon, eat your lunch you need to take medicines. "

"Meera akka, no please I don't want to" she said squeezing her face.

"You'll have get out of it Bani,life doesn't stop there, look it's ok, I mean, of course not so ok.. but you'll have to compose yourself, you'll have to stay strong it's been almost a week, but still you are hung over there, it's hard I know but you have stay strong na bani, please we all can't see you both breaking down. And please stop this blame game, come out of it now." Meera said sternly.

"Meera akka, will I be able to conceive again..?" This was all that shook her to the core all these days. The fear, what if she lost her faminanity..?

Meera had no answer and this made Bani's eyes to dwel up.

"What about my veeranshu..?  Is he angry with me..? Why is he not talking to me properly..? Was it my mistake..? I know it is. He's not even looking at me akka. That's killing me even more. Neither he touched me. Nor spoke to me. Where is he..?" She said sniffing.

"Shhh shhh Bani. No please, yes bani Veer is upset, after all, he lost his kid too.. but ya he is holding it back just because of you.. so you have to stay strong." Meera left kissing her forehead.

"I'll make you vent out your tears your anger you will have to come out of this Veeranshu" Spoke Bani assuring herself.

It was the same day. Meera had spoke to him about Bani being worried with him not talking to her. He had to first make up his mind and not to cry in front of her.

After the incident, Veer had no courage to look into his wife's eyes. That was the guilt that had been eating him up. The secen of that hard day was still playing on his mind in loop. He was not yet ready to face her dull eyes with that pain. The only way to hide his pain was to not to look into her eyes.

But after listening to what Meera informed, he made up his mind to have control over his tears.

"Bani c'mon eat your lunch,and you'll have to take your medicines too" he said while handing her the tray with food and medicines beside. His voice still heavy as if he had been crying since the day.

For the first two times Bani didn't even bother to look at him. Seeing his wife's condition all he could do was hold his tears back.
After the asking for the third time, she responded yet not looking over him.
Everything felt so hollow. The romantic and a couple who had set couple goals were now not even able to meet each other's eyes.

"No veer,I'm not in mood.. so please don't force me" she said without meeting his eyes.

"Bani have it please,you didn't eat anything from morning, I excused you then na,..? But now you'll have to take your medicines right,? c'mon, I'll feed you ok..." Veer said calming himself he knew she is disturbed and not so easy for her to come out of it when he himself was struggling with the loss.

He sat beside making a morsel for her.
She pushed his hand away. Disagreeing to have her food.
"I told you veer,I'm not in mood.. please don't force me. Please " she said as tears rolled down her cheecks.

But yet Veer took his hand with the morsel near her mouth to eat. This time she jerked his hand away.

"You'r irritating me... just go.. I don't want to have it nor the food nor the medicine. Ond sari helidre artha agalva..?(can't you understand that's said at once?)" she yelled at him.

Poor bani and veer.
The story will end in next part. It will be posted in the evening.
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