VIOLET SKY, takigawa chris yuu

━ chapter eleven

act i

this shouldn't be happening.
( oh but it is. )

chapter eleven

❛your feelings are not stupid❜

━━━━━━

He shows up at class the next day.

And she suffers more than usual.

Nothing is out of place; conversation is not stilted, silences do not stretch on awkwardly, everything is fine.

Except for her.

Yesterday's conversation is still seared into her brain, the way he was looking at her, the way he was talking, a specific meaning shrouded in his words. It was like a test, to see whether she would understand.

And she doesn't know if she understands.

Does he know about her feelings? Does he feel something? Is he beginning to?

She just wishes, again, probably not for the last time, that he comes out and says whatever he wants to say. Oh, Rena, Chiyo, and Hiro would probably point to literally everything he has done since school started, maybe even since summer break, too, but Amara doesn't have the guts to assume anything.

At least if he outright said something then she would be forced to handle it and not just sweep it under the rug with the rest of the so-called evidence about his feelings for her.

Still, that might just be her talking out of her ass, like she has the nerves to handle any kind of heartfelt admission from him. Or any reason to believe that all these hints point to him liking her. Unhealthy as it may be, she feels that she pales in comparison to him — in ambition, schooling. He would be better off with someone else who does not have any twisted reservations about relationships, with someone who isn't as stubborn and negative as her when it comes to these kinds of things.

She shakes her head to herself. Doesn't matter now.

Morning classes are a blur and she spends more time doodling on her notebook than paying attention to their teachers. She's really starting to slack this term, in terms of attention devoted to their teachers, and her grades haven't started suffering yet, but they will, and that's another can of problems she doesn't need.

She ends up spilling everything to Hiro and Chiyo as soon as they're all seated at their table.

They listen seriously for once, intoning only to prod for more details, and when she finishes, she's bulldozed through half her meal, eating more out of stress than actual hunger.

"Oh, yeah," Chiyo says grimly. "He likes you."

"Ugh."

"Most girls — and a couple guys — would kill to be in your place," Hiro remarks, scooping some soup into her mouth. "I really don't get your aversion to being with him."

"It's a little tiring," Chiyo tacks on. "We love you, we do, but you're really making this more complicated than it needs to be."

"Because feelings are complicated," she hisses. "Because I just wanted to end this term without any drama or worries or —"

"Yeah, but he doesn't make you feel like that. Everything that you're mentioning doesn't exactly come packaged with relationships if you're choosing wisely. And I mean —" Hiro swishes her chopsticks rudely "— this is Takigawa, we're talking about."