Against Protocol (Aaron Hotchner X Reader)

chapter ten: close call

Throughout the case, Strauss was glued to your hip. She followed your footsteps to the beat, took notes on seemingly frivolous tasks, and even stuck around to watch you refill your coffee mug, making an insolent comment on your caffeine intake.

With all eyes on you, you made sure every action was carefully deliberated, but you couldn't help but focus on how cold Hotch had been the entire time.

After delivering the profile, Strauss left to go see how the others were doing. With her gone, you catch Hotch on his way to the Sheriff's Office, dragging him into an empty briefing room. He stumbles in with you, caught off guard by your adamance.

His face remains stagnant, unbelievably apathetic and unwavering at the sight of you.

"What the hell, Hotch?" you exclaim with your voice falling into a soft whisper when you notice the door is still open. "I thought, I thought this was going . . . I don't know . . . well?

His eyebrows raise, taken aback by your statement. "Y/N, of course everything is going well," he reassures, instinctively lifting his hand up to brush your shoulder, but putting it down as he notices the open door to your right. "I do want to continue this. Just not now."

"Then, why do you keep pretending like I don't exist?' you question, hesitant on accepting his answer so quickly, no matter how badly you want to believe it. "You've dismissed all of my ideas today."

His face remains calm. "With Strauss around, our jobs are under intense scrutiny. I don't have the liberty of her knowing I'm fucking one of my agents. If she even has the slightest feeling there is something going on, everything is done for."

You contemplate for a moment, knowing he's right. Your career, your future at the BAU depended on keeping this a secret.

"But you are right," he admits, lowering his eyes in guilt. "And I'm sorry. All I can think about is losing this, losing you."

He continues, noticing you're tongue tied and at a loss for words. "Our physical relationship aside, I want you to know I do think you are an amazing agent. And if I made you feel any less than that, I apologize. I know I haven't made it clear to you, Y/N, I greatly admire your work. And I'm telling you this as your boss. Please know whatever happens between us outside of work, you will still be a respected member of my team — even if I have trouble showing it."

"Thank you." Your words stumble out, trickling off the tip of your tongue as Hotch's cold exterior melts.

"If at any point you want to stop what's happening between us, let me know. I would never want to place you in an uncomfortable position as your superior," he reminds.

"No. I want this," you assure him. And you did. Desperately.

"Good. I'm glad to hear that. Now let's leave before the team starts asking where we've been."

You follow Hotch out, diverging paths feeling a sense of inexplicable satisfaction rise up in you. You don't know what the feeling is, but it's a feeling you want to hold onto forever.

However, your mood comes to a crash and burn when you see Strauss around the corner, eyeing the door you and Hotch had just left.

"What was that?" Strauss inquires, pointing back to the room you came out of.

"What do you mean?" you ask, flustered. Shit.

"Don't lie to me. If Aaron has been on your case, I need to know."

"What? Oh, no. Hotch just had to, uh . . ." Your mind runs back to what Hotch had emphasized: making sure Strauss didn't know what was happening. "Hotch was just reminding me how important it is to review details. I had made a slight mistake in the paperwork, and he wanted to make sure I knew."