Regretful, Yet Curious | Schlattbur Oneshots

•[ obsessed? I only know love ]•

•[ Genre ]•

Angst

•[ Prompt ]•

In which Wilbur becomes obsessed with Schlatt without realizing it, mistaking it with love. He then confesses his "love" to Schlatt over call.

•[ Warning ]•

Suggesting suicide

•[ A/N ]•

I made the mistake of writing Wilbur as more of a stan rather than a friend. At least, that's how I think it came across. Also, it seems kinda rushed, which I'm not proud of.

ALSO! I used codenames when I originally wrote this. The reason why doesn't matter. But just in case I didn't correct one while editing, Bladez = Schlatt and Orca = Wilbur

•[×]•

"I'm in love with you." Wilbur bluntly stated out of the blue. He didn't wait for a reply from his friend. Instead, he continued, "I just– I– I can't get you out of my head." Stumbling over his words, searching for the right things to say that would truly express how he feels. "I want to hold you– and– and every time we're talking, I just wish I could kiss you." He stopped to take a breath. It was as though he were in a small box with hardly enough air. Like he was in an encaged room full of blazing fire and thick smoke. Why did he feel out of breath all of a sudden?

"I want to see you again, like– like we did at Twitchcon. You're so so beautiful. I can't believe I got to witness your beauty in person. You're gorgeous. And– and how dare I forget the smell of your hair. I'm not worthy of you." He paused for the slightest moment. Under his breath, he muttered, "No one deserves you."

Beads of sweat had formed on his forehead due to the heat of his unconditioned room. He had been saving money for a plane ticket to America as well as donating to Schlatt. Donating more often than others, and for a good reason too. Well, at least good in his eyes. He enjoyed giving money to Schlatt because maybe, just maybe, his friend would realize that he's in love with him. He doesn't need the money if it shows his love. Who needs air conditioning anyway, right? It's fine to skip a few days of showering because you're too focused on the friend you're in love with.

Speaking of his friend, Schlatt was still silent. Wilbur hopes he hadn't walked away. He better not have. Wilbur's pouring his heart out right now. He's had to keep his feelings in for so long. It took all of his strength to not follow his heart when he met Schlatt in person. There was a short moment when they were alone together. In a hotel room. Which Wilbur had no idea how that even happened.

His mind quickly became a war zone. He was mentally panicking like it was the end of the world. His back was burning, he was sweating buckets. A little part of him was attempting to convince him, whispering sentences such as, "The stars aligned just for this moment." into his ear. Like– bitch don't bring that astrology shit into this.

The bad thing was the convincing was so close to working, that little part of him almost took control. It almost won. He almost... nevermind.

It was a struggle, but he still successfully kept it all in. The least he could've come across as was nervous or perhaps even uncomfortable. It didn't seem like Schlatt noticed though, he was completely glued to his phone.

"You're so funny," Wilbur sighed, exhausted. He's spent the past couple of days staying up till the morning sun. Who knew fantasizing about Schlatt while binging his videos took up so much time? Every night, Wilbur promised himself that he'll go to bed at some point. But once he begins another video, he can't stop listening. The switch for turning off autoplay suddenly disappears. Watching till the complete end of each video, he's entranced by the man's voice. "but I don't think I need to talk about that. Your subscriber count speaks for itself. I never really got the chance to congratulate you on that, sorry."

Wilbur's so tired, unable to come up with as many descriptive words as he usually does. He still hasn't gotten an answer. "You make me so happy. I- I love reading over our message history, all the time. You're so smart and kind. You- you're just incredible. This world doesn't deserve you. It's an awful, awful place. You know what I mean, at least, I'm sure you do. I've heard how you complain. I see it, understand it better than anyone. Understand you," His volume lowered as he stared at the bright monitor, he's become used to the burning feeling in his eyes. He wasn't thinking about anything specifically, his mind was blank. He mumbled, "Maybe I..."

He paused, breath hitching as he thought about it. He grinned at his thoughts, deciding to share them out loud, "I can save you! I- I can go with you too. I hate life, and I know you do too. I just bet you do! So– so..." Wilbur was hesitant with his new idea, not knowing exactly how to word his suggestion so it wouldn't sound as bad as it did. "So why don't we kill ourselves together?" Finally halting his rant, Wilbur impatiently waited for an answer. Guess the deafening silence from the American these past couple of minutes had distressed Wilbur.

"I– uh..." The light shade of green circling Schlatt's Discord icon had disappeared, his end of the call going quiet again.

The reply wasn't as bad as it could've been. Wilbur understands Schlatt's point of view though, It's not every day that your friend confesses love to you and then asks to form a suicide pack. Wilbur hopes for the best, quick to mentally reassure himself, "Maybe he's still thinking it over, I probably talked too fast for him to process what I mean."

"Who am I kidding?" Wilbur scoffed, once again filling the call with his sleep-deprived voice. He knew he wasn't going to get an answer anytime soon. His eyes stared down at his cold limp hands that were sitting on his lap. The typical feeling of warm tears found itself at the corners of his heavy eyes.

He spoke, "You're amazing, like a god. It was foolish of me to think I could get into a relationship with a god. Even more stupid of me to think I'm worthy of dying with a god" The reassurance Wilbur had given himself was quickly shot down with self-deprecating statements.

Wilbur suddenly slammed his hands onto his desk. "Answer– say something!" Although he stumbled over his words, his shout was full of pain. The longer Schlatt kept quiet, the higher his anxiety rose.

Wilbur perked when he heard a small noise coming from the other end of the call. "Was that Schlatt or just static?" He thought with anticipation.

"Y– you're a psycho."

Wilbur completely shattered over those quiet words. He clutched onto his worn-out shirt, chest feeling tight as an intense stabbing pain wrapped around his heart. He fell back into his chair, it creaking in response. His eyes blurred with the warm tears that had found their way back to him. He lets them roll down his freezing cheeks. He didn't feel like wiping them off, arms falling limp to his sides. Despite the warm room that engulfed him, he felt cold.

He glanced back up to his screen to see that Schlatt had left the call. Wilbur hadn't noticed when he left. Did he really not say anything else before leaving? Staring at his latest messages with the American was equivalent to being slapped in the face. Turning off his monitor, the small room around him became dark. He stood up and looked around him. An empty feeling rested in him.

Feeling around his back pocket for his phone, he monotonously muttered, "Didn't know this was still back here." The warm device sat in his palm, lighting up to show him the time. 1:22 AM. It's late. Chucking the device onto his messy bed, he took his car keys and hooked them onto his belt loop. Leaning down to grab his black converse, which were lazily sitting beside the support of his bed frame, he sighed.

"Maybe dying for the god could be the only way of proving my love after all."