until next time..

you.

*trigger warning*

this is is a made up character

i've felt alone for too long now, with no one to listen, no one to hold my hand when I needed it most. until you came along. you helped me through my lowest, and now I'm falling in love with you, and that's scarier than anything. I know our story will have to end, when you reach the final page. that will be the hardest thing to do. letting go of you.

dear, reader

I'm not doing okay, I feel like shit. when she died I thought I couldn't cope anymore, and I can't. she was my whole wold. I can't imagine not living without her. I mean she was my best friend. if only I was there, to stop her from killing herself. but no, I was the one to find the body. if only people actually loved her, and not used her. I can just imagine her final thoughts. this is it, there is no point in living anymore. not like they would care anyway. she went on her computer and wrote me this email, I'm sorry I can't do it anymore. you were the one to help me, but now I have to let you go, we will meet, I promise. just take care of yourself. she sent it to me, looked at the poison, and that was it. dark. I rushed as soon as I could to the hotel she was staying at. how could she actually do that? how could she do that to me? she knew I was in a dark place, I guess I didn't know that she was worse. its just so hard to know the next day when I wake up I won't be able to talk to her, to see her anymore. I'm never going to be able to see her again. never. and never is a long time. I struggle so much with saying to myself that she isn't dead. she's not dead, but she is. and yet, she took her life. the absence of her is everywhere I look. its so hard. but in a way I'm glad, that pain is my reminder that I have you, only you. and that is more than enough for me. everyone will let me go eventually. people are like raindrops. they come, and then slide away. and you can't do anything about it. you just watch. even you. at on point my words will run out and you will have to turn the final page. I wish we could actually meet, see each other face to face. but that's impossible, you're just reading my story. I just hope one day I could read yours. the way you read every line that I wrote for you, it makes me feel loved. like someone finally listens to me. god, to think that this is just the start. it feels good but I know the end will have to come at one point, like all good things, like her, like you, like this story, the end always comes. what if time just stopped, you could stay here with me forever, reading what I wrote you. Even when you no longer have pages to turn, even when I will have no more words, ill love you until the end. when we meet again. I know I can't see you, and you can't see me, but yet you have kept reading and listening to me, I want to read about you too dear. I sometimes feel like no one listens but you do. thank you for that. you are helping me through my lowest. right now. come to me, when you feel like your story is over, so you can begin mine. As I come to think of it, you're reading my story, as I fell in love, with you. oh to see the look in your eyes as you turn each page. we have reached the end haven't we? god you read this book so fast. put this book somewhere for someone who needs it, to make them feel loved. I wish we could have more time, but I'm afraid we don't have the chance. I know it's the end but don't worry, our love is beyond these words, it's forever. don't forget I love you.

until next time,