Hiraeth

Chapter #1-Silas

             Frigid water hit Silas like a slap as she splashed it from the park's public bathroom onto her face. After wiping herself off with a torn sleeve she grimaced as she saw the streak of dirt it left behind on her pale skin. Giving up on the idea of washing her face, she looked up at the cracked mirror above the sink and noted that the once hideous array of blue, purple and green surrounding her silver left eye had significantly decreased. Thank gods, she thought to herself, a raging black eye wasn't exactly as inconspicuous as ideal.

           Silas had been living off the streets, stealing from stores and pickpocketing to get by since she was 13 when her father stopped paying child support and her mother left her without a dime to go live with her boyfriend. Silas never particularly cared, she told herself that this was far easier than dealing with her mom's sleazy boyfriend in the tiny camper the three of them had shared. She was practically homeless back then anyway.

        Her hands absentmindedly felt around the inside of her jacket for the small knife she always kept on her. Taking a deep breath, Silas stepped out of the dingy washroom and out into the ever dribbling rain splattering onto the street. She didn't know why she found the knife so comforting, a thief had given it to her first year on the streets. She assumed his intention was to rob her but after seeing how young she was (and how little she had) he instead gave her a knife and a spare bread roll. Silas cursed herself for being sentimental but...she could allow this one source of comfort right?

         Instead of the knife, she came up with a silver ring she stole off of a lady earlier in the day. Feeling her stomach growl, she decided to pawn it and use the money get something to eat.

        Silas could feel the concrete under her feet as the soles of her sneakers were nearly worn through. She groaned as she stepped into a pool of water on the sidewalk. She knew it was a bad idea to go home the same way two days in a row but it was just so miserable outside. As if in response to her thoughts the rain hurdled down even harder and thunder boomed across the sky. She decided to take the short way back to the small basement apartment she was squatting in at the moment.

         Rounding the corner of an alleyway, Silas only heard the footsteps a second before there was an arm pressing her against a body and I knife at her throat. Panic shot through her body as her attacker ground out the words;

"Give me everything you got that's worth somethin'. I can make this easy for ya girly or very, very hard."

        Her instincts came roaring to the front of her mind, she stomped on his foot as hard as she could, waiting until he let his grip on her torso go just enough for her to drop down avoiding the knife and elbowing him in the groin. That was enough to send him stumbling backwards, clearly too injured to do her more harm, she could see the knife he once held gleaming on the wet street meters away from them. Desperate to get away, Silas climbed on top of the water-slick garbage bin to get to the roof. Once on she slipped away and was safely out of site behind a chimney she snuck a glance back at the alleyway, only to see a a few drops of blood and no man. Her breathing was ragged and pained when she stopped to vomit. No matter how many times she had run-ins like that, she would never get used to the pure, primal panic that seized her body when threatened. Usually they were street rats like her, untrained, hungry and fairly easy to disable, except, Silas supposed, so was she. Wiping her mouth of vomit, she once again began to slink her way back to the apartment.

         The rest of the way there was reasonably fast, maybe 20 minutes but Silas didn't notice anything about her surroundings until she realized she was only a block away. Upon stepping into the threshold of the shitty downtown apartment complex she couldn't help but think that it was just as damp and cold as it was outside. Once she was convinced she was safe she flicked on the only lightbulb in her, or rather her host's, one room. Silas immediately regretted it, the endless buzzing of that damned bulb made her want to rip it down from the ceiling, then her ears from her head. Her stomach quickly reminded her that she never did end up getting something to eat. Once again she forced her hand to find the ring in her now completely soaked jacket pocket. Her shaky hand touched the cool, smooth metal of her knife instead. Icy panic jumped into her throat at the memory of the day's violence. The fear was cold and hard and unforgiving, just as everything else in her life was.  

         "Tomorrow. I'll pawn it tomorrow." She said to herself as she did up every lock on the old, white front door. Silas counted 12.

         In the last place she stayed in Silas once woke up to a rustling sound coming from the opposite end of the room. As soon as realized she was being robbed, she forced herself to stay still until she was sure they were gone. The robbers must have assumed that no one was home, although the glint she caught coming from a gun barrel strapped to the largest ones leg told her that they were not unprepared to be wrong.  Sometimes she dreams she's back in that room, the weight of a thin blanket and her will to remain still being the only things between her and death. Once dawn broke, spilling yellow onto the bed she was sure she would die in, she packed up and left. After that experience, she decided she could never be too careful.

        Silas stood on the apartments cheep vinyl floor and made quick work of stripping out of her rain-drenched clothes and into a warm, clean (as warm and clean as anything is Silas's world got) sweater. She still was still far from comfortable. The cold that Silas was surrounded by wasn't the kind that a hot bath would fix. It sunk into her bones and mind, settling in every pore in her body until she was devoured completely by it. She would often wonder if she would ever feel warmth, the real,  true kind. She picked up the knives that fell to the floor while she was changing with trembling fingers.

       Silas shakily curled atop her mattress, and bundled under the thin blanket she stole from an unattended shopping cart, taking deep deliberate breathes to stop her shaking, to stop everything really, at least for a short time. With that thought on her mind, she slipped uncomfortably into the inky caress of unconsciousness.