"Another Way"

"A Cry For Help"

As I walk down the sidewalk of New York in the pouring rain I catch myself turning down an empty Alley. I keep walking, not afraid of what could be lurking in the shadows.I find nothing but trash & dumpsters. I turn down another empty alley. As I walk down it I feel like all of the energy inside me has suddenly drained . So I lean against a brick wall a slide down it to sit. I rub my forehead & close my eyes. I think about how my parents have never loved me, I think about how my boyfriend never really loved me either & how all he wanted was nothing but sex from me. As I get back up from the ground I turn my head and hanging above one of the dumpsters was something I never would have thought about until now. A noose. A hundred different thoughts whirl around in my mind. "No one would really care anyways." "You have nothing to lose." "Just do it . " "you know it would be easier than staying in this filthy horrid world with nothing but pain & people who pretend to love you then screw you over." My thoughts say to me. I walk over to the dumpster and climb up onto the top of it. The thought doesn't even occur to me to wonder why the noose was here in the first place. I don't see a body so they must have rethought they're choice. But me I have no reason to rethink this. As I put the noose around my neck I feel no emotions. No fear of dying , no sadness , no nothing. Which seems strange because I have always been so prone to cry when something was wrong or sad. But I ignore it and adjust the noose. "Well I don't know what's worse, that my parents haven't even noticed I'm gone and tried to call or that I don't care if I die. " I say to myself . I slowly walk to the end of the dumpster . As I get to the edge I hover my left foot over the cold air. I hesitate to jump over. Even though I don't feel like this is wrong. But I step my right foot up closer to the edge.

I swallow and close my eyes.