I Saw

The year began with an air of hope, it was 2020, the numbers match, how often do we see that. It's here to do something outstanding, and awaits to walk us down the path of glory.

I saw people making glorious plans of travel, in the hopes of exploring the unexplored, making memories to carry for life. Welcoming the year with courage to fulfill all the dreams and let nothing stop them because this is the year to not walk but to take leaps.

I saw empathy over Chinese lockdown as they were locked in their homes and shouted from there balconies that wuhan will survive. I cried and hoped they'll heal, but little prepared for my own wellness as the daring times crossed borders, continents, and seas.And it was here, 2 people in the train with mask, to 10 people, and then to no people on the roads. Stay at home, store food, toilet paper, Netflix .... gather your family, protect the weak ...and this will be over in 2 weeks.On a night, somewhere in the 2 weeks of lockdown, my husband was grim and gloomy. Tell me will there be a change after this? Is this time for self realization... to stop and think what are we chasing.That was 9 months ago.

I saw my toddler sad as I told him we can not go to the park, or get on the swings. But he understood better than the spring breakers in Florida.I saw Durga in every parent as they grew multiple arms to tackle work, cooked meals, cleaned, home schooled, learnt, and kept sane. And then there were those stuck alone as they couldn't be close to home.

I saw mask, no masks, and confusions about mask. There were tons and tons of WhatsApp messages that made us covid experts and then there were theories over theories about where the monster has come from. Was it bat or a pangolin or a snake or lab.Is it in air, water or land? Which surface does it stay longer on? Do I need to wash my groceries? And in how many ways do I wash my hands?

I saw people master the skills from youtube. There was a master chef in the making in every kitchen, and every garden was built of fairytale dreams. Art and crafts, to painting walls, to miniature gardens. Weight loss in 2 months that was not achieved in a year, DIY home renovation, to simply cutting your own hair.Home became offices, and there was more time to watch your kids grow. At the same time I worried for people who had to step out to work just because they had no option. I wondered how they endeared. I worried for the struggle of people who lost jobs just overnight. I became privileged working from home, keeping a job, more time with my child ..... a privilege that I hope I shared with all.

I saw resilience, strength, and fear in each migrant worker who walked thousand miles to reach home as the cities were empty but had no room for them.I saw poor feed poor, and people sharing whatever they can. Crying at someone else's pain is humbling, hoping that may god touch this souls and ease the pain.

I saw government taking credit for solutions only written in paper. Demonstrating the fight they had not put in for people, as the farmers carried their kids on there shoulders home.Passing blames and covering truth while the poor babies just had 1 packet of biscuits and 500 kms walk home. 

It's an art to build a truth that does not exist and to not stand by the people who have raised you to be this.

I was crushed and humbled and felt smaller than a particle of dirt. My existence was humbling in front of these people who were not offered to stay protected but were left alone to figure out lone survival, even when they didn't know what covid was.

I saw bravery and compassion. Nirbhav Nirvar.....as people rose from the crowd to help with whatever they can.Charity over charity that seems to be filling a pot with a hole. People were now home with no jobs and with tons of loan. More mouths to feed, more deaths to toll, more babies to console that there will be more to eat tomorrow.There were thoughts and restraints and then there were people who won't refrain.

I saw people telling people that their lives matter, their black lives matter.Everybody on the street crying for justice and crying to be heard and be seen.And, still all this commotions that even a deaf could hear.... all this commotion was unheard.They said it's everybody's lives that matter.....white black or blue....but you see I have never seen anybody crushed to death and still be unseen.

I saw things come to a halt and ..... no that never happened. Just when you thought we can now stay calm and breathe through the year, the air became unbreathable and was filled with fear. The fire was engulfing everything that came in it's way. It found reason to ignite somehow cause of thunderstorms or baby shower or climate change. 

I don't know .... god was just not done with us. Clearly we needed to learn more lessons this year.

As if Dany's Viserion was left loose, he thinks all is Kings landing and must burn it to the ground. I found myself standing on the doorsteps of what seemed like an apocalypse.The sky turned grey and then yellow and then orange .... and then I stopped looking because I was sure that this is the end. The wrath of the gods in upon us, I knew it that with our greed filled karmas we have fast forwarded through kalyug.

And now again, there was another restriction on my 2 year old as he was restrained from stepping out of the house to just play in the lawn. It felt I was taking the beautiful moments from life away.... all the things he could learn and the mistake he could make. All that locked up behind my fear as I packed the essential and kept track of the fires growing near. 

Close to home.... in my county ...... in someone else's lane. Their home, pictures hung beautifully on the wall, and that only picture of grandma, the wedding dress, the first prom bouquet, the first car, recipes passed on from generation to generation, first child's baby clothes, college degrees, and awards, all just gone....

Fire was working relentlessly around the clock to devour all dreams and ambitions. We watched amazed.

I saw farmers move from homes to the roads.Asking for rights not riots.You called them terrorist, fake, misinformed, and confused.They are people of the land.You see that green color on the Indian flag.That's them that you salute.

I saw hope, failure, rage, destruction.Light, darkness, and fading sun.Sorrow, fight, and sight of no tomorrow.Winter, summer, fall, that made no difference at all.Some were trapped, and some were liberated.Some started chasing dreams, and some wondered if it's worth even chasing.

How did we get here.... this is not the line I'll use for what I say and what I write.

We are here, and this is now. Our doing.