You're Not Alone

•31•

"Uh not perfect... his arms and legs will be chopped off ..." I raise an eyebrow at her.

"Ehh, it'll be okay," she pats my shoulder. "Let's begin!"

She lets the green smoke signal off once Levi, Hange, and I are back away from the well. We wait patiently and nothing happens.

"Hmm," Hange squints. "I don't understand it. Perhaps he missed the signal?"

"Perhaps. Or perhaps we're just naive to assume they can turn it on and off," Levi scoffs.

We head back over to the well. I hope off my horse and hesitantly go over to look down the well. Levi yells from behind me. I wait to look.

"Eren! Enough! We're done for today."

Hange look over the edge shouts down to him; "Did something go wrong down there?"

Hanged face contorts into a look of shock and she gasps. I panic and lunge over the well's stone wall and peer down at my brother. His hands are coated in blood, along with his mouth. He bit his hand too many times...

"I'm sorry. I don't think I can do it now," Erens voice shaky with disappointment.

"Want me to try?" I turn and look at Levi. He just shakes his head and then thinks for a second.

"Sure. Bring Eren back up and you head down there. Even though you maintained control the one time, what's to say you don't go berserk now."

"Yeah yeah," I sigh and wait for Eren to climb back up.

Once he is over the wall, I swing my body over the side and place my feet on the rope ladder. Before my face disappears over the edge, Levi gives me a reassuring nod.

I climb down into the dark hole and stare up at the light. Hange gives me the same instructions as Eren. I am to wait until the smoke signal.

A minutes passes and I'm still staring up. I see a smoke flare go off and the green hovers over the well. That's the signal.

I dig my nails into my hand and I feel my body start to shift, but all of a sudden my mind see's the dead soldiers from the battle of Trost. They're dead on the ground, stomped or eaten by Titans.

A Titan killed them... I'm one of the things that killed them. How can I just mindlessly transform into this killing machine. What if I lose control like Eren and I kill the people I care about?

This fear that enters me makes me lose the transformation. I'm still in human form and I frown. Why now?

"Come up Sophie," Hange orders and I do.

Once I'm out, I don't talk to anyone. Instead, I get on my horse and lead myself back to HQ. I don't want to explain to them that I feel guilty about everyone that's died. I know they'll try to tell me they signed up for it. But the more I think about Eren and when he lost control... it makes me not want to transform. He tried to attack Mikasa and me. Who knows what I would do.

We get back and we sit outside at a table, I quietly drink my tea, avoiding eye contact with everyone. Levi stands near Eren and begins talking.

"You're telling me the bite sounds on your hands show no sign of healing?"

I glance down at my own hands and see that mine also didn't heal. There's four cuts from where my nails dug into them. My other hand is the same.

"None, sir." Eren answers.

"No offense, but you're not much good to us in this form. Sophie at least was second in ranking for your class, we can use her. If you can't change, our plans for Wall Maria go up in smoke. Pull it together. And yes, that is an order."