Floating Like a Lilo ── Itadori Yuuji (✓)

09 A LONELY, LOVELESS CHILD

      "He wasn't supposed to die!" You blurt out, frustration creeping into your tone. "I can't do this... I can't watch everyone I know and care about to slip through my fingers like fucking sand."

     Masamichi's hands join to form a steeple, "Do you know why I accepted you into this school?"

     When you don't answer, just letting a tear trickle down the side of your cheek silently, he expands, "You are stronger than you think. You looked at Death in the eye, stared into the pit of this terrible world and you still continued to live. You know that people die every day but your past tries to tear down everything you have built. Do you know who you are, [L/n]?"

     "Who...I am? My father's a drunk... My mother was killed by a curse... I am a descendant of an old jujutsu clan-"

     "No," Masamichi narrows his eyes, cutting off your warbles, "You are just human. You want to walk away from all of this, as if doing that will make all of it go away like a bad dream. You think that quitting will bring Itadori back? You wish-"

     You press your eyes shut, almost starting to cry, "Of course it's not going to bring him back! I know that! I don't deserve to stand there, to act like I could avenge him when I did nothing to save him back there!"

     "Then," Masamichi purses his lips, a steady but unforgiving gaze seeping into your soul, "How are you going to live?"

     You can already picture it, walking down the long and winding roads into the pale light, stepping off reality and onto the cobbled pathway outside your house. The sky is bright again, too bright and too luminous, yellow muddled with blinding white. Dust is gathering on all the rooms, a callous coldness dampening the air. The kitchen is empty and there's a pile of dishes trapped in the sink, filling it to a brim. A television buzzes in the background, a light noise that comes from upstairs. You will creep past crumpled cans of beer and hold your breath against the smell of alcohol and crawl up the stairs to avoid making a sound because you can hear glasses smashing behind closed doors. The world becomes smaller when you hurry into your room and look at the mess staring back at you.

     The world doesn't change, not even if it loses someone, someone like him - Itadori.

     Catching your breath, you look up, lips trembling and eyes threatening to spill a mirage of tears, "I... I don't... want to live like that again."

     "Your father is angry, I presume," Masamichi says strenuously, although there's a light calmness hiding in his tone somewhere. "I had Satoru - Gojo-sensei - speak to him about your admission here. He was not pleased needless to say; He doesn't want you to follow the same path as your mother."

     Finally, his words incite something and you fall to your knees, nails digging into the wood on the floor, "I just want to be more than what life gave me... I don't want my mother to die in vain... for her to be forgotten and overlooked like some roadside flower, a pebble on the beach. I have this power and I don't deserve it... not one bit. Someone as spineless as me should be wasting away back home."

     "But..." Masamichi arches an eyebrow, feeling the change of tone in your voice.

     "I'm selfish," You whisper, starting to sob on the floor, feeling your skin watered by the plentiful tears, "I don't want to die. I don't want to be useless."