Isolation

Chapter 45: Harry

Draco slanted his eyes so he could see her. "And?"

"Well, I think I decided that people say things to make you feel better when you lose someone. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don't, but there's comfort there anyway, isn't there? That someone will lie or invent scenarios to try and help you cope. It shows that people care, and that's all anyone wants, really."

"But someone's still dead."

She flinched and glanced at Tonks. "Yes, but you can't do anything about it, and that's probably the hardest part to deal with. But it gets easier, Draco. I promise you, it does."

Draco clenched his eyes shut. Something else was tugging at his stomach now; a different emotion that he couldn't quite place, but he felt like he was unravelling slowly. Something was pushing its way out of him, like a confession. Opening his eyes, he took a deep breath, and as he exhaled, the words poured out of him.

"Theo was my first real...friend, I guess. Well, before you really know what friendship is, you form these bonds with people by accident, don't you? Theo and I just clicked. Neither of us had any siblings or relatives of a similar age, so...it was just us, really. I didn't meet Blaise until First Year, and Crabbe, Goyle, and Pansy were acquaintances that I knew of, but I didn't really know them until Hogwarts."

He coughed to clear an itch in his throat.

"Theo and I used to play at each other's houses all the time. In hindsight, our fathers were probably taking in part in Death Eater meetings or something, but I would see Theo often; maybe once a week. We would muck around, get in trouble, you know, all that silly shit you do when you're young. When we were about eight, we were messing around in his house and I broke some ornament of his father's."

He stopped again and shifted his weight.

"Even when I was that young, I knew that Theo was terrified of his father. I could just sense it. Anyway, I broke this thing and Theo's father was furious. Theo took the blame for me. I don't know why, he just did. His father beat him so bad he had to spend a week in St. Mungo's. He told everyone that Theo had nicked his broom and had an accident, but I knew it was bullshit. Theo and I never talked about it; he never explained why he'd taken the blame, and I...I never said thank you, or anything."

"Sometimes friendship means not having to say anything. Thank yous and apologies can sometimes get lost, but it doesn't mean they're unexpressed," murmured Hermione. "So what happened? I mean, I always remember you being with Crabbe and Goyle. Not Theo so much."

"I think when Theo came to Hogwarts, he was so relieved to be away from his father that he just kept his head down and got on with it. He didn't want to get expelled and have to go home. And you remember what I was like in the younger years. I was always getting into trouble. Theo still came to my house in the holidays, though. And Theo and Blaise were the first people I sought out when Crabbe and Goyle's stupidity got too testing. At the end of Fifth Year when Voldemort...well, you know. When I was getting ready to take the Mark, I guess Theo knew and didn't want anything to do with it, and we just stopped talking. I was too busy fucking everything up to really notice."

"Draco, I know this may sound quite... ineffectual, but at least you two had the opportunity to reconcile. At least you resolved your differences."

He cleared his throat again and averted his eyes to the floor. "Granger, as much as I envy and sometimes loathe your ability to find the positive in everything, I don't...I don't think I'm there yet."