I didn't mean to break you (clexa au)

t h i r t y e i g h t

A year later...

"Lexa I know you still fucking love that girl, but you need to move on, she's been like that for a year, she wouldn't want you to stay hung up on her, please Lexa, your killing yourself by living like this!" Anya yelled at the young brunette who had briefly popped home from the hospital to shower and change. "Anya you don't understand! This is all my fault okay, and no matter what happens I'm always going to love Clarke, I have faith she'll wake up when she's ready." She shouted back at Anya as she grabbed her rucksack and jacket, opening the front door.

"Don't walk away from me Lexa! You dropped out of your last year of school for her, you don't have a job, I'm supporting your ass, I don't want anything in return except you to try and move on with your life Lexa. You can't love a dead girl forever."

At this Lexa slammed the door, walking up to her, an angry look on her face. "She is not dead. If you don't want me here then throw me out! How dare you tell me she's dead," with that Lexa shoved her backwards, shocking her. "I'll see you in a week," Lexa spat before storming out of the front door and to her car.

Clarke looked different a year down the line, her hair much longer and messier, yet her skin still the same pale shade of white. The scars on her arms had faded a lot but were still visible representations of the previous struggles the girl had dealt with. Over the past year Lexa had given up everything for the blonde who lay in front of her. She'd dropped out of school, moved out of Lincoln's house and into Anya's small flat so he could have Octavia and some other friends live with him. She'd sold many of her belongings so that her and Abby could split Clarke's hospital bill. Abby was working overtime for the money, barely ever seeing her daughter, but calling Lexa everyday. Madi had started to come and visit her sister daily after school for an hour or two, giving Lexa the chance to go and shower or grab some coffee and a bite to eat. Every nurse and doctor looked at Lexa with pity and sorrow, offering their condolences. But Lexa couldn't let go, she couldn't accept that maybe, maybe Clarke really was gone. Even Abby had told Lexa that she'd be happy for her if she tried to move on because Clarke wouldn't have wanted the girl to feel this way and give up everything for her. But Lexa declined. She still blamed herself to this day, maybe slightly less, but all the same, she thought everyday of new ways she could've been a better girlfriend.

Lexa stayed true to her word, she would wait as long as she had too, for the girl of her dreams to wake up. Her hope wavered at times, but she couldn't think like that. She tried to think of what she'd do when Clarke did wake, that was the only thing keeping her going.

Another year and a half on...

"I'm sorry Miss Woods, we cant keep her on life support much longer, she's made no improvement whatsoever." The doctor said as he took a couple of blood samples off of Clarke. Lexa was a weeping mess as she dropped to the floor, burying her head in her shaking hands. "No.. no you can't do that, please, give her a chance," the brunette stuttered as she slowly raised her head to eye the doctor. He shook his head lightly, sympathy glistening in his eyes. "She has one more week, her mum has signed the form, I'm sorry," he replied before walking out of the door, leaving the weeping girl on the floor.

Two and a half years down the line and Clarke had made no progress, neither had Lexa. Lexa felt like she was the same girl that held her girlfriends almost lifeless body in her hands over two years ago, broken. Lexa was still broken and still in love. Despite everyone's sad but clearly judging looks, she only felt more love for Clarke. She wished she could just look into those sparkling blue eyes, at least one last time. She wished she could shout at Clarke for her stupidity, but all she wanted was to hold her tight in her arms, listening to her soft breaths and snores as she sleeps. Her breaths that weren't created by a machine.

Lexa couldn't believe that Abby had agreed to pulling the plug. But she wasn't angry because she understood their financial situation. About a year ago Lexa had started part time work, four hours a day, she would go and work while Madi and Clarke's friends visited, and then she'd rush straight back to the hospital. She guessed that what they say is true, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Every day Lexa imagined what they could be doing right now, maybe they'd be travelling the world together, or maybe they'd be at university, having the best time of their lives. But instead she was sitting, crying over the girl she loved.

Lexa even missed the times they fought, because at least then she could make things right. But this was out of Lexa's control and she hated it.