I REALLY RECOMMEND THIS SONG. listen before reading or while reading, but it inspired this oneshot.
"im having sex with a ghost, cause she knows that i'm alone."
I sit up straight, thrashing my legs under the sheets as I scramble to lean against the headboard. My eyes are open but the darkness betrays me, and I wonder for a moment if I've gone blind.
Maybe then she'll finally go away.
One quick pull on the bedside lamp and the light flickers on, taking a few seconds to reach its full brightness, which still only lights half the room.
I grab the glass from my nightstand, pouring as much of the liquid as I can into my mouth, feeling the familiar burn as it makes it's way down my throat. With my lungs on fire, I throw the sheets off of me and stand.
Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes as I make my way to the bedroom door, I slip on my shoes and grab a shirt from the dresser.
Whenever she comes I go for a run. It's the only way to make her go away, even if she always comes back.
In the bathroom, after I brush my teeth I run the cold water until it collects in a pool in my cupped hands, staring down into the puddle. When it starts to overflow from my makeshift bowl I bring it to my face. Gasping from the chill, I widen my eyes.
The more awake I am the less real she feels.
"Cal." My name coming from her mouth feels like a punch in the gut, filling me with more pain than any stab would. "Do you not want me here?"
I look into the mirror and see her behind me, the pain only worsening. "Go away." I whisper under my breath, my teeth clenched and my fists gripping the sink.
"Why? Don't you love me?" Her voice breaks, her eyes big.
I shake my head and will myself to look away from her. "Don't do this. Just leave."
"Why?" She steps forward, reaching out her arm and placing it on my shoulder. The weight feels heavier than it should, like a thousand pounds heavier. "What did I do?"
When she touches me I can't help it, I react before I can stop myself. My fist connects with the mirror in a second, shattering it with a loud crash. I whip my body around to face her, but the pressure on my shoulder is gone like it was never there and so is she.
I look down to my still clenched fist, noticing the stinging from the cuts on my knuckles. I deserve it.
I run my un-injured hand through my hair, which is overgrown and messy. I manage to shave sometimes, but my hair is really the least of my worries.
My chest rises and falls as I breathe deeply. She's never touched me. Only in my dreams she touches me.
Sudden knocking on my front door startled me, and I widen my eyes as I realize how insane I must look right now. Guess the outside reflects the turmoil within now.
"Cal?"
I wrap my hand in the closest washcloth, relaxing a bit when I hear Kilorn. "Give me a second." I yell back, surveying the shards of glass that fill my sink and scatter across the bathroom floor. She's probably laughing at me now.
When I open the door to see Kilorn standing there with a fishing vest on, realization sets in on why he's here. "Kilorn,...I forgot."
He takes my confession with no surprise. "I thought as much when you didn't open the door the first time I knocked. I've been out here for a good while."
I avert my eyes, staring at the floor with one hand on the door and the other running through my hair again. "Well, I was about to go for a run."
Kilorn doesn't respond, instead stepping past me into the small apartment that's still full of her. I told him last week I was going to start taking down those stupid pictures she made me hang when we moved in, but I can barely look at them, let alone touch them.
