With Fear or Without

31- Optimism's Hard

As soon as the door swung shut behind her, the tears overflowed.

One hand running along the rise of the building, Cleo stumbled around the corner and out of sight of the door. She pressed her back against the wall and slid to the floor, pulling her knees close and burying her head in her arms. Her body shook with silent sobs.

She felt betrayed. Lost. Ridiculous. Useless.

She had lost that last sliver of hope. The hope that her friend had ever really been her friend. The hope that Rowana had done something other than lie to them for months. The hope that the girl Cleo had gotten so close to, whom she shared so much with, joked with, laughed with, cried with, all in a few short months, had been anything but a setup.

The realization crept into her mind slowly like sand through an hourglass. As it built up she finally saw it all. Rowana knew what she was doing- how could she not have? Never revealing anything about herself, creating this whole false identity... she knew exactly what she was doing all along.

Her odd behavior once this all started made sense now. Her reaction to Cleo's dreams, how she waited patiently to see what they would do. It wasn't concern, it wasn't worry- not for them anyway. It was a realization that her precious cover could be blown. That they might actually learn who she was.

Cleo's heart ached. The dark thoughts ate away at the pleasant memories like a virus.

And then that deep sorrow was matched by that burning desire to beat them. The people who were too selfish, too proud, too rooted in tradition. She needed to prove them wrong. The desire solidified in her chest and turned to... not hope, but desperation.

In the fuzzy background beyond her own thoughts, Cleo heard the door open and close, then footsteps growing quieter and then louder. They came closer and closer until she heard a soft voice next to her.

"That was hard to hear."

It was Charlie, kneeling next to her.

Without looking up from where her head was buried, Cleo mumbled, "I can't believe she would do that to us."

"I know."

"I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. I really did," Cleo said, her voice trembling and threatening to break. "I wanted to believe it wasn't all a lie. But it's getting harder and harder and now..."

"I know."

Cleo heard shuffling as Charlie lowered themself to the floor, placing their back against the wall next to her. They draped an arm over her back, resting their head against her shoulder.

Cleo sniffed. She inclined her head to rest on top of Charlie's.

They sat there on the ground for a long while, taking comfort in the other's presence.