hannibal x reader

Chapter 1

Warning : discussion of suicide and self harm.

Parts of these are from my own experience with anxiety and depression. If you have been abused or hurt in your life please seek help. Even if it seems minor to you it may have effected you more than you know. You are loved and accepted for anything and everything you are going though ❤️

You finally had plucked up the courage to get therapy and you sat in the car, biting your finger skin and your leg shaking, waiting for the the exact time to go in.

The car clock changed to 15:00 and you nervously step out of the car and walk towards Dr Lector's office.

Opening the door you go in and going up some stairs you sit on a white couch, your fingers drumming your bag nervously. The door next to you opens to reveal a tall handsome man who greets you with a slightly smile.

"you must be (y/n)" he said. "Please come on in and take a seat"

You stand and for oppisate him in a chair.

"I just need you to fill out some forms for me and we can get started." he said, handing you a clipboard with papers on them. You nod and fill them in quickly, trying to not naw the end of the pen which was provided.

You finish the papers and hand it back to him and smiling he flicks through them and rests them in his knee.

"So (y/n)" he said "Why have you booked therapy with me today?"

"I don't know..." you say, chewing your lip slightly. You carry on, seeing Hannibal's gentle smile "I guess I just need help to deal with what has happened in my life" you looked at him again for reassurance and he nodded slightly so you continue.

"I am from a rocky home." you say "My mum and dad had great pleasure in hurting me, especially if I did something slightly wrong. They hurt me and scorned me, making me feel worthless and insignificant. They called me" Their little pest" or "Unwanted". When I was 18 I managed to get away when I went to university in the UK. That's where I met Jacob. He seemed nice at first but he became violent against me when we got a flat together. I thought that this was normal as I had been beaten when I was young. I hid the scars and went on with my life. My proffesor saw however and made a big deal out of it. Jacob managed to wiggle out of charges by saying I had fell over and when we went home he blamed me for getting him in trouble."

you bite your finger skin for a second and carry on, still picking at them slightly.  "I started self harming and thought about suicide. I tried once but I didn't work. By this time I had just passed university. Jacob didn't care however. It took me a month to leave with the help of one of my friends from university and I moved back to America and got a job as a store cleric and part time wrote by book on history. I keep on however I wanting to take my life and having crippling anxiety, thinking anyone could hurt me. As I walk home I am fearful, I drive my car I'm fearful. "you look down.  "God I'm pathetic" you say.

"You are nothing of the sort (y/n)" hannibal said. "You have had a tricky life and have done well to get through it. You are strong and very brave to have got for through your hardships"

Your lip started to tremble. You had never been told such things before and you felt overwhelmed. You had always seen yourself as overeacting and a baby for what you deemed as little problems. But now you could see how this had effected you and you wanted to cry.

"I am sorry doctor you mumble and take out a hanckichief to dab your eyes slightly."

"Take your time" he said. "We are here for another half an hour. Now what do you feel this abuse has caused?" he asked.

You think. "I feel worthless all of the time, I have a constant need for approval." you think. "I belive everything I do is awful and I beat myself up both mentally and physically for things I do." you pick your skin "God I'm so pathetic."

"you seem to be bleeding Ms (y/n)" Hannibal said calmly and getting up he gets some paper tissues from a draw and handed it to you. You had absentmindedly made your finger bleed my picking at it and you put the paper tissue over it to mop the blood up.

"I am so sorry" you whisper.

"Why do you think you bite yourself?" Hannibal asks gently.

You finish moping up the blood and stuff it into your bag.  "I think it's because it helps to distract me from the pain I am going through" you say. "Even for a second my mind is distracted as I deal with the blood."

Hannibal nods and smiles slightly. "you have been through a lot. I am recommending Cognitive behavioural therapy and medication to tackle your anxiety"

You nod slightly.

"there will be a letter of the treatments you will receive and also the amount in the post by tomorrow." he looks at the clock. "Our time is up however when you receive that letter you can phone me and book another appointment."

You nod and stand grabbing your bag and holding it close to you.

"It had been a pleasure" hannibal said "and I hope to help you out of everything you are going through".

He opens the door and you scurry out.

"Thank you Dr" you say and head to your car.

You felt numb and you shake. You did it but it felt so difficult. Slowly you drove home and flopt onto the couch. You hoped today would be the start of your life improving into something better.