Bhava

Insecurities

I wish I could overcome them!
What if I wouldn't amount to anything?
What if I would just be someone from the crowd?
Have I kept my expectations too far?

I wish I was prettier and cooler like them.
But I am supposed to be different.
Why do I feel this way so sudden?
Insecurity...

No, I have never been jealous.
I am happy.
I don't know what I feel
And it's overwhelming.
How crazy is it that we don't see the good in ourselves?

Vulnerable, easy to cry.
I am not strong though I wish I was.
Are my dreams like a pack of cards?
Tall but would crumble with a gust of wind.

Been told I would be kind and loved.
What if one day I would be forgotten?
Need to learn to flow like wind.
Scattered papers everywhere just like me.
Each piece holding my reflection.

Tears flow just like ink.
They would stop soon.
Mindlessly I write, maybe I should stop.

Why is it so difficult to come out of my shell?
I made my own cage around me.
No, I am not heartless.
I do feel, I do care.
But I don't show, I cannot show.
I am not cold as you think.

Messy on the outside,
Messy on the inside.
Emotions are up to the brim.
I can't pretend to close it.

All of a sudden waves crash.
I do nothing but stand facing it
And ultimately submerge.

I don't know but I just feel too sad, not actually sad maybe overwhelmed or something. It's all just a mess and I wanted to let out.

What I even wrote is also this messy.

Smile, spread love and be kind
❤️❤️