Lost With You

Chapter Thirteen

It's been almost a week since Natalie joined us for lunch and as those days passed by, lunch break seemed longer than it was before. I stopped looking forward to eating with the group, knowing that my focus would always land on Jonathan and Natalie if I felt too lonely or if everyone else was occupied with their own conversations.
    I was caught shifting my gaze between my tray of disgusting snacks and the two of them once by Jonathan. He thought I needed clarification of some sort and asked if I needed anything. Of course, I tried to be cool and played it off like how I would usually do by coming up with a mean joke to tease him with. Thankfully, he didn't suspect anything or realize my constant stares the following days.
    Today was one of the days where a few teachers decided to dump their freshly new printed assignments on us, wanting it to be covered in discreet answers by the next day during their lessons. Instead of deferring my work as usual, I decided to do it in the library during lunch. At least I wouldn't have to force down a spoonful of egregious mush the school called food and give accidental creepy looks at Jonathan and Natalie.
    I vacillated between contacting someone to inform them on my plan of skipping lunch or just leaving the group clueless as to where I was. It took mere seconds for me to reach a conclusion as I didn't want to inconvenience them and deliberately make them play Hide and Seek.
    I already had my text fully written out and I was ready to send it to Faith when I stopped my thumb abruptly before it could successfully send the text. If I sent a text to Faith instead of Jonathan, Jonathan would find it weird, wouldn't he? I would only give rise to his existing suspicion.
    I deleted the text to Faith and copied whatever my mind could remember from the sentence and forwarded it to Jonathan instead. The fact that I was ditching the group for assignments was already questionable enough. I didn't need more doubts to form in everyone's heads.
    I heaved a sigh, a picture of the work I had to do forming in my head as I dragged my feet to the direction of the library. Even though I didn't want to bring home a bag of incomplete homework, my legs proceeded in a leisure manner.
    No food, no friends, no assistance, and no phone. Just work.
    Well, I was the one who decided to force myself into fake determination to avoid the familiar faces of everyone I sat with during lunch. I had also already sent the message to Jonathan so I couldn't go back now.
    Ignoring the anticipated vibrations in my pocket, I effortlessly pushed the door open and calmly made my way to an empty table away from where most people sat. I quietly pulled the chair out and took a seat, shoveling out the few sheets of papers I was given.
    I closed my eyes and drew a soundless breath as I prepared myself to stare blankly at a set of onerous questions in front of me. My sluggardly eyelids lifted themselves and my eyes shifted from left to right as I took some time to assimilate the question. A small smile tugged at the corner of my lips as I gained back my lost confidence, realizing that the first question was doable.
    Okay, maybe this isn't gonna be so bad after all, I reassured myself as a sudden gush of motivation filled my head.
    I continued to write down whatever my brain could recall from the lessons I had earlier to fulfill the needs of most questions, forgetting the fact that I could rely on my textbooks and notes if I came across any difficulty. Before I knew it, I was already done with one of my homework.
    I praised my perseverance with what I pictured was an egotistical grin plastered on my face in my mind. I didn't care if what I'd written down was wrong. As long as I'd attained what was required at minimum, I was fully satisfied.
    And this was probably why I would never obtain an A.
    I placed my pen down after writing whatever information I could squeeze out of my brain for the last question of the second worksheet and immediately raised my arms up to stretch, relishing the pleasant feeling which traveled through my body. I emitted a slow and lengthy breath of relief when I realized that I only had one more worksheet to finish.
    I shifted my gaze to the clock after unconsciously admiring one of the bookshelves for a prolonged period of time. I would have proceeded to complete my last assignment if it weren't for my classes which were starting in ten minutes. I needed to pack my things and go.
    As I tried to neatly place my homework in between a couple of books in my bag so that they wouldn't end up crumpled like always, a sudden feeling of unwanted nostalgia crept up on me. The longer I stared at the empty seats surrounding the table, the more I was reminded of my time in my previous school.
    I chewed my bottom lip as I inadvertently furrowed my eyes at the clean wooden surface which reflected the ceiling clearly. The feeling of loneliness prompted a sentimental change in my emotions while the bitter memory of having little friends who didn't even care much about my well-being lit a small flame inside of me.
    I knew my friends weren't the ones to blame for my uneasiness this time. It was obvious that the only one at fault was me since I selfishly pushed them just because I oddly felt left out being with them anyway.
    The pressure against my lip from my teeth slowly lifted as I closed my eyes to invite an amount of serenity to calm my nerves. I exhaled the remaining breath I had from drawing a breath and opened my eyes slowly to look directly at the clock.
    It took me a few seconds to react to the time as I embraced the equanimity which blew out the fire which had ignited in the darkness of my feelings.
    "Shit," I finally muttered as I realized that delaying any further would get me in trouble. I didn't even recall what the next class was that I instinctively pulled out my phone only to be able to admire the wallpaper that I had set for the background of my phone for a split second and some notifications I'd received.
    My device was yanked out of my hand from the library assistant who I had failed to notice. I mentally started blaming both myself and the stupid phone rule we had in our library before the assistant could utter a word.
    "Young man, you aren't supposed to be using your phone in the library," she said with a frown.
    "Please give it back," I begged in a soft tone to abide by the library's natural rule of being quiet. "I can explain."
    "Well, go on," she prompted with a raised brow as her arms folded.
    "I just wanted to look at my timetable on my phone," I explained quickly, feeling rushed by the seconds and minutes ticking away. "I promise, I won't do it again. Can I have it back now so that I can head to class?"
    She pondered for a bit on whether she should keep my phone for the time being. Fortunately, her action was in my favor. She handed the phone back to me with another warning. "One more time and I'm confiscating it."
    I nodded immediately and thanked her, trying not to get angry at her as I knew she was just doing her job. After exiting the library silently, I started sprinting to my classroom. I wasn't aware of how much time I was left with until I was late, dismissing the prevailing sound of the bell going off.
    I reached for the handle of the door, almost tripping over my own leg and possibly smacking my face into the rough surface. Before I could even pull the door open to face a disappointed look on my teacher's face, the door swung open and struck my face pretty hard.
    I groaned after reflexively taking a few shaky steps back as I cupped the lower half of my face in agony. I might as well just walk into the door since I would have been hit anyway, my inner voice hissed at me.
    I looked up to see Mr. Vincent who had his brow raised as if he was unaware of what he had done. His unamused eyes gazed judgementally at me as he opened his mouth to suck in a breath and calmly spoke, "Jeremy, you're late. This is the second time."
    "I—" I halted the words which could have attempted to justify my case. Knowing it was pointless, I just released a sigh and stared at the floor. "I'm sorry."
    "Try not to be late again," he said and raised an arm to welcome me to the only couple of empty seats available. "Take a seat."
   I quickly nodded and walked over to the usual empty chair reserved for me beside Faith and sat down. I quietly took out my textbook and pencil case, placing my bag down on the floor against a leg of the table.
    Faith's concerned eyes dug deep into me and I could tell that she had some inquiries awaiting for me after class. She didn't even try to say hi when I walked over, or maybe she did but I just failed to notice. When Mr. Vincent proceeded to teach, that was when Faith's mind drifted to what was on the white board instead of my sudden disappearance during lunch.
    At last, another mundane and humdrum lesson with Mr. Vincent has come to an end and we were all free to head home for the day. I was looking forward to locking myself in my room and playing games until dinner when I got home. That was when I remembered I had one last assignment to complete before I could jump on the bed and do whatever I wanted.
    Before I could let out a sigh to express my dismay, Faith finally spoke. "How's your stuff coming along?"
    I turned to her and smiled slightly. "It's going okay. I'm tired though."
    She nodded as she slowly pursed her lips, as if she was pondering about whether she had anything to say. I decided that I didn't want to worry her any further and just explained why I wasn't with the rest during lunch since she almost looked clueless. Shouldn't Jonathan have told everyone what I was up to?
    "Sorry that I couldn't join you guys for lunch today." I raised a hand behind my head to scratch it as my lips curved into a sheepish and somewhat embarrassed smile. "Truth is, I had a lot of work today and everything had to be submitted tomorrow. You know me, I'm always lazy to do them when I get home."
    "I see," she replied tersely at first. "Well, what's your current progress so far?"
    "I'm almost done! One more to go," I said enthusiastically, suddenly feeling a surge of motivation plough through me, taking over the depressing air which floated around me earlier. "I'm definitely joining you guys for lunch tomorrow."
    "Nice," she calmly smiled. "Let's head home?"
    I agreed with her immediately and strolled toward the exit by Faith's side. As we were chatting about how our day went, I decided to sneak a glance at my phone when it was Faith's turn to talk. While some of her words entered through one ear and out the other as quick as lighting, I finally found out why the rest of our group members probably had no idea where I went. The text sent to Jonathan hours ago wasn't even seen by him. In fact, the vibrations I felt earlier were from the mobile games I had installed, not from Jonathan.
    My mood began to shift once again. I was slightly frustrated and annoyed at the fact that I was basically ignored by Jonathan. What, was he having that much fun with Natalie that he couldn't even take a second to look at my message? My inner voice snarled as I stared blankly at my device which now shook from being gripped too tightly.
    "Jeremy?"
    Faith's voice snapped me out of my thoughts, allowing me to loosen the grasp around my phone. Hearing it had a calming effect I needed, like dark clouds clearing away from the light blue sky.
    "Sorry, what?" I asked, visibly surprised which showed Faith that I wasn't listening to her earlier.
    Her lips slightly parted as she stared, her expression almost forming a slight frown. Despite this, she didn't seem angry at my inattentiveness. Her expression resembled more of speculation than displeasure.
   I was beginning to feel nervous and involuntarily showed signs such as darting around as I avoided eye contact. I sardonically complimented myself for letting myself make such simple errors which would only raise more concern.
    Faith drew one more slow breath and released another. "You're probably tired. I wouldn't be surprised if your mind is wandering off to places. You should rest."
    My posture which had been unknowingly marginably stiff relaxed. I let out a self-conscious chuckle which didn't at all help and nodded. "I will. You too."
    It was only until now that I realized that we were already standing in front of the entrance of the school. Faith gave an almost forced out small smile and pointed behind her with her thumb. "Well, I'm headed that way. See you tomorrow, Jeremy."  
    "See ya!" I managed to say with the last bit of eagerness I had left in my system as I waved at her. She waved back with the same smile and turned her heel, displaying her black backpack and a cute, fluffy, matching black rabbit keychain which dangled from her zipper.
    I got back home as quick as I could, rushing up the stairs which creaked, disrupting the silence of the empty house. I leaned my back against the door as I closed it, heaving a sigh.
    I stared at the pulled out chair from the desk for a bit and walked over to it, plopping myself down. I buried my face in my arms and closed my eyes, exhausted, and desired to nap away my stress.
    However, I decided that I should just finish my leftover homework first before getting some sleep before dinner time. I contemplated delaying it till after dinner like I usually would. I pulled myself back from giving into the temptation of relaxing now and started working on the assignment, knowing it wouldn't take long; an hour or even lesser than that.
    As I was a third done with the worksheet, I heard the door creaking open. Knowing that it was Jonathan, I tried to ignore it and turn my attention back to the confusing words on the paper.
    Giving up on being reliant on common sense, I took out my textbook to dig for the answer the question was looking for. Before I could flip it open, the door to my room swung inward and Jonathan stood at the entrance.
    "Oh, thank god you're here, Jeremy," he said in relief. "I thought you would have waited for me outside school again."
    I was still upset at him for not looking at my texts but I knew that it would only stir up trouble if I gave him a piece of my emotions.
    "Nah, I came home first to finish my homework," I replied, a bit too nonchalant than my usual tone which might have given away my sour mood. I looked through the content page before flipping to the chapter the question was about.
    "Never would I have thought you'd be serious about homework," he chuckled, leaning against the doorway. "So, where did you run off to during lunch?"
    I looked at Jonathan again and raised a brow. "I was in the library because I had a lot of things to finish by today. I texted you about it."
    "Oh, shoot," he let out upon hearing my words. "Sorry, Jeremy. The only reason why I didn't know and couldn't contact you was because my phone died."
    All my pent up frustration and impatience gradually faded as words failed to find their way out of my mouth. It felt as if all my words were clogged up in my throat and only one word managed to escape from the imaginery trap. "What?"
    "Yeah. I forgot to charge my phone yesterday and decided to bring it to school when it had low battery. It died when we got to school."
    I began to feel tormented by embarrassment and by my own foolishness for making such unlikely assumptions about Jonathan just because I had a hard time controlling my emotions.
    "Oh.” A chastened smile crawled its way to my face. “It’s cool, no worries. Today was just a one time thing anyway.”
    “So you’ll be joining us tomorrow like usual, right?”
    I wasn’t confident in whether I could face being left out again tomorrow but I nodded my head promptly and replied energetically. “Yep!”
    "Great," he smiled. "Need help?"
    "Nah, it's cool. I got this."
    Jonathan nodded and waved at me, closing the door before making his way to his room. I felt like a moron for coming up with absurd reasons why Jonathan would ignore me. Was I clingy toward him or something? Was I just unable to accept the fact that Natalie and Jonathan shared a good relationship with one another? Was that why I wasn't upset with everyone else in the group because they weren't always involved with him unlike Natalie?
    Again, too many unanswered questions . . .
    I made up my mind. I was going to show up tomorrow during recess as promised, but until I managed to get a grip of my hatred toward Natalie and Jonathan's relationship, I would not appear as often anymore. This was the only thing I could think of which could help me forget about the uncomfortable feeling when I see them. If I don't see them as often, maybe the unexplainable emotions would disappear on their own.