A Dance of Life

40

"A trip to the hospital on my birthday, what a wonderful wish," I grunt as I buckle my seatbelt.

"I thought you said you weren't counting today as your birthday," Pat reminds me, settling at the back of Nathan's car beside me.

"You did? Why?" Nathan asks, turning back to look at us.

"Keep your eyes on the road before you give us an actual reason to go to the hospital," I snap, pointing at the windshield.

"Having a panic attack while being five months pregnant sounds like a good reason to me," Pat says, bringing her hand to my forehead.

I slap her hand away and sneer at her. "It wasn't a panic attack; I just had a bad dream."

"While awake?" Pat questions, rolling her eyes.

"Fine. But panic attack or not, we don't have to go to the hospital. I have a check-up next week Saturday."

"You looked like you were dying, Ellie. I didn't know what else to do," she replies, raising her shoulders. "What were you thinking about? Do you know what brought it on?"

"I was thinking about the case," I admit after a beat, not wanting to lie.

"Is this because of what Nala said yesterday?" Nathan queries.

"Nala? Who's Nala?"

"Nathan's partner from Mr. Williams' case. She's the one handling it now," I answer, propping my head in my palm. "And honestly, yes, it is. She made me realize the reality of the situation, and it's just overwhelming."

"Is that why you switched from a bus to a cab? Did you... did you have a panic attack on the bus?" Pat probes, her eyebrows creased in worry.

"Wait, you did what? Why didn't you call me, or better yet, let me take you in the first place?" Nathan sputters out.

"Could both of you just... not. All these questions are giving me a freaking headache," I groan, staring out of the window. "I had a panic attack, whatever; people have them all the time. It's not cause to rush me anywhere, I just need to figure out how to handle them."

"Sorry," they both mumble.

"I'll be fine," I sigh. "I have to be."

~~~

"Annelise, long time no see," Dr. Clarissa greets with a warm smile. "Lucky for you I was free, what's the emergency?"

I glance at Pat, my eyes begging her to let me lead, before giving the doctor a smile of my own. "Nothing serious. I had a couple of panic attacks, and I've been having backaches."

She laughs softly and writes something in her notepad. "Well, I'm sure you're fine. The back pain is normal; try to stay off your feet. The panic attacks, however, what do you think brought them on? Are you scared about the pregnancy? I can answer any questions that would abate your fears."

"Uh, no. I don't think I have any questions," I stutter. "It's just I..."

"Annelise, dear, you don't have to worry. In fact, I'd like to recommend one of my good friends to be your pediatrician."

"That won't be necessary," I tell her. "I don't plan on giving birth here."

"What?" Pat voices, but I ignore her and carry on.

"But if you know someone close to the address I gave you last time, it'll be great."

"Alright," she replies slowly. "If that's what you want. So what caused the panic attacks?"

"Nothing major, just worry. I've been feeling kind of anxious lately," I mumble, staring at my fingers. "Flashbacks, nightmares, nothing serious."

"I see... when did this start exactly? Do you have any idea why?"