Dirk Gently and The Ghosts of Time

Brotzmans Don't Do Feelings

       Life on the road was amazing. (A bit of an understatement) The Rowdy 3 made Amanda feel wanted, and more importantly, alive.

       Years of being a shut-in were not good for her mental health. Her only friend her brother, and while she was thankful for him and loved him, it wasn't the same as having friends. And when her brother finally got friends Amanda could be friends with, he revealed the truth. That he never had pararibulitis, that he drained his parents of their money, that he broke up the band because he stole their instruments and sold them, that he was just all around-for lack of better words-a DICK.

       And while she had, for the most part, forgave him, he was a different person, after all, that was the problem. She felt like she didn't know him. The only thing that had changed about him was he got rid of all the bad parts, and yet it still felt like he had tricked her-which he did-but tricked her into believing he was a totally different person.

       But she wanted to let him try, so she visited him. But when she did visit last week? He spent the entire time with Dirk! Which was sort of her fault, she had made him confess his feelings but she didn't exactly expect that outcome.

       The thing was, Todd Brotzman doesn't do relationships. He's very casual about them normally. A few dates here and there, kisses and sex every once and a while, but he didn't do love. He would always put himself first, he only did those things when he "had the time"-which was almost never-or when it was convenient for himself. In truth, she didn't think he had ever really, actually, fully, truly, been in love before. She knew Dirk was different, and she had hoped he would fall in love with him, she probably even knew it, but she just didn't expect Todd to dive in headfirst. She didn't expect Todd to pour all his love and attention onto the man, spend every waking moment with him. She more expected him to dip his toes in the water first, go on a date, make out a bit, but be mostly friendly with Dirk until something happened... but she didn't know what that thing was. Maybe that was the flaw in her thinking.

       Dirk made Todd happy in a way she had never seen him. He truly did love him. Truly, fully, actually, really.

       Dirk made Todd smile, he made Todd laugh, he made Todd cry-in a good way, he never ever cries and Amanda actually found it worrying. He made Todd feel again. If she had to trace down the moment he became his grumbly grump self, she'd pin it to middle school. Ah yes, hell.

       Their aunt had just gotten pararibulitis. She had always been significant to their life. Almost a second mother. She was there for them when they fell off their bike, or got rejected, or failed an important test. And it killed Todd to see her in pain. It killed both of them.

      But Todd was older than Amanda, he understood the world better, he was more mature, and the kids at his school? They also knew more, but not enough.
It was at a school talent show, he was playing guitar, when something happened and his aunt went into an attack in front of the whole school. And since that day, no one would ever let Todd live down the fact that he had a "crazy" aunt.

       It started with words and names, but it quickly escalated after Todd had decided he had enough of this bullshit, and he got physical. A slap, a single slap. But that slap was returned, and not as a slap but as kicks and punches. And he never again did or said anything to them, but they continued relentlessly for years.

       By sophomore year he didn't feel anymore. By junior year he became cold. By senior year he became vengeful. And by college? You know the rest.

       "You ok, 'Manda?" Martin's voice pulled Amanda out of her deep thoughts.

       "Yeah, fine." She turned to face him from the passenger's seat.