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Chapter 6

I suddenly opened my eyes. I was gasping for breath, sweat was clinging to my forehead and I felt it trickle down my face. I did not know what had happened. Kris had simply asked the question, but I was the one who had answered. If I did not go to the shops yesterday, where was I and why could I not remember? Then, I asked Kris the most logical question I could muster.

"Am I crazy?" I had never thought I would ever come to a point in my life when I would have to ask such a question whilst being serious. I knew the answer would be a nod but I hoped in the slight chance that I was not a completely lost case. To my disbelief, however, Kris smiled.

"No Judice, you are not crazy." To say I was relieved would have been an understatement. I was literally on the brink of tears once I heard Kris tell me I was, in fact, still sane. However, I was still worried about what Kris was saying. "Judice, today is not the 31st of December, and I think you know it." My brain had become completely boggled, and I knew if Kris cracked open another bombshell soon, I would drive myself to the mental institute, regardless of the level of my sanity.

"I think I need a break." I did not wait for Kris to stop me but knew she would not mind me leaving for a few minutes. I put my shoes back on, headed for the elevator and pushed the button. As the doors opened, I quickly let myself in, not allowing for Kris to change her mind, and waited for the doors to close.

"Hello." The voice spooked me out as I gave a sudden jolt of fright. The hairs on my back were standing on their ends and I felt a shiver run through my body. I turned around to find a blonde boy standing behind me. He was slightly taller than me so I assumed he was probably also a little older than me.

"Sorry, I didn't see you there. I was in a hurry to get out of the room." I did not know why I felt the need to justify my actions but I found myself doing so nonetheless.

"Yeah, I know it can be nerve-racking but I personally believe it gets better after a while." Silence followed shortly after and the space in the elevator started to become static with tension. I decided to break the awkwardness.

"So is there another level above seventy-six?" This question seemed to take him by surprise and he groped for words.

"Uh, yeah...there... there's a room up there where I often visit. So why are you here?" This person was asking questions even I did not have answers to.

Why was I here? Did I really need the help Kris was trying to provide or did mum believe it best to fix her problems? I knew there was something about all of this that I had not been told. They were keeping secrets. My very own mother was keeping a secret from me. That was what was killing my heart the most.

Five years ago, I came home from school with most of my hair cut off. It went down to the bottom of my ears, which, compared to how long my hair used to be, was like I had been ridden of all my hair. I did not want my mum to know that a few of the girls in my class had cut it off. I did not want to tell my mum I had been cornered in the bathroom and shoved to the wall, in order to do so. I did not want my mum knowing I had been sworn not to tell a soul. Though, most of all, I did not want to make my mum cry. By then, I knew my mum would never cry with me around but I did understand what she meant when she said she needed a nap, and came back with swollen eyes. I could not be the reason she cried herself to sleep. I could not do that to her when she had done so much for me. That was why I decided to say a quick hello from the door and quickly go up to my room. I lay on the bed, with a blanket over my head. I had not switched on the light, so the darkness crept into each crevice of my room. For once, I welcomed its newfound comfort. I supposed if my mother walked in, she would believe I was asleep and would quietly leave. For some reason, I thought my hair would grow to the previous length while I slept, but I now believe it was more so hope which made me believe in it, rather than true belief.

I was very wrong.

Within a few minutes of complete darkness, I saw the light seep through the covers I was wearing. I heard hushed footsteps move closer towards me. I felt the gentle pat on my shoulder in the hope of waking me from my pretend-sleep. I sensed the slow tug of the blanket over head. Then I saw my mother's face. As I watched, the smile she wore vanished, and concerned creases began to line her forhead.

"Judice, what happened to your hair?" She yelped. What was I meant to say? Should I tell her the truth or lie straight to my mother's face? I was perplexed so I chose the easiest choice of all. I remained quiet. "Judice who did this?" My mother was now entirely alerted, and lying to her in the state she was in now would have been of absolute no use, but I still tried.

"I," Trying to come up with a lie on the spot was harder than I had ever imagined. "I cut it off."

I looked into my mother's eyes and regretted every word I had just said. I had lied to the person who gave me the world, who caressed my hair until I fell asleep, who cradled me in her arms as a form of protection. I lied to the person who had never done so to me. I had let my mother down, and the disappointment which permeated throughout her features, told me she knew I had been dishonest. I hated the look on the look of dismay which was plastered to my mother's face, and was forced to look down, as I could not bear the guilt of my doing. After a moment, my mother gradually left the room and I heard the quiet creak of her own bedroom door open and shut. That was when I knew she had left to take a nap. I now knew she was crying, and it was not because I had told her truth, but because I had not. That moment was when I understood the importance of being truthful. All my life, my mother had always wanted me to tell her the truth, because sometimes the lie hurts more than the truth.

Now, my mother was lying to me. And it hurt.

So why was I here?

"To tell you the honest truth, I really don't know myself." The doors opened and I stepped off the elevator, only to find the other person step off as well.

"Are you getting lunch? Maybe we eat together." This guy was acting a little too keen so I decided to adhere to my mother's warnings about stranger danger and momentarily forgot about the hunger which was enveloping my stomach.

"No. I'm just going to walk around and clear my head." I quickly began to walk off without saying bye but paused when he took a step in front of me and blocked my way.

"I didn't catch your name." He paused, clearly waiting for me to reply, but I was not going to give him the contentment of knowing.

"I know." And with that I sidestepped and walked off.

Something in the back of my brain was tingling, etching to come to the surface, but an invisible wall seemed to block it.
I turned around to see if he was still standing there.

Luckily, he was nowhere in sight but a strange sensation kept washing over me.

The tingling sensation tickled my brain and I decided it was probably just the intoxicating smell of wood lacquer built up in the closed room upstairs. I did not know how Kris managed to stay in that room for several hours each day, but was glad I had been given a break.

The pristine white hall was still the same when I looked around, people buzzing everywhere in a gigantic beehive. I decided the receptionist would be the theoretical queen for now, as she seemed to be telling everyone where to go. I walked towards the main entrance and stepped out.

Sunlight warmed my skin and I felt myself soak in the radiating heat, while a gentle breeze danced through my hair. I had not realised I had somehow closed my eyes in the midst of appreciating the beautiful weather, but slowly began to open them. As I did, I realised I was standing at the centre of the pathway, full of busy workers dodging me, so I immediately started walking along with them, not knowing where I was going.

I was passing by a newspaper stand when a picture caught my attention. I felt as though my world was crumbling before my very eyes, yet it was no longer mine. It was a world I no longer belonged in. A caption on the front page was the breaking point of my sanity. My world went dark. The last thing I saw before I felt my knees buckle and firm arms catch me before I hit the ground, was a photo of Jade smiling back at me from the newspaper.