Dangerous Insecurities

chapter three

If there was ever a day I should have wagged school, it was today. People constantly asked question about what hapened to my face, constantly laughed and constantly pointed. They teased me, saying that the massive black bruise making my face look better. I tried to ignore them as best I could but they were really starting to get to me. Who were they to judge me, to judge my life? They knew nothing about me, yet they still tried to make me look bad.

Back in the old days, my father used to tell me 'Sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you'. Oh how I would love to go back in time and tell him just how wrong he was. People may not think that words hurt, but they do. Words cut deep; they leave scars. When people 'joke' around, they dont usually think of the conciquinse of their words.

It was lunch time and I was sitting at a table with Stacey by my side. Whenever a group of girls would walk past they would all look at my face and then start laughing. Why me? What had I ever done wrong to deserve a life like this.

"Jerks," Stacey muttered as another laughing group of girls strolled past. I nodded to her but didnt say anything.

Stacey had once been apart of the populars. She still looked like one of them with her long blonde hair and jade green eyes. But one day a few years ago, a girl in her group of friends had tripped me over and stomped on my glasses, smashing them. Stacey had held back when the rest of the group walked off and asked if I was okay. I hadnt answered her, afraid that she as mocking me. She'd nodded and walked off. The next day during lunch I had been sitting at a table by myself when I'd heard the chair across from me scrape noisly across the cold ground. I'd looked up and Guess  who? Yup, Stacey. I had watched silenly as she had pulled her lunch from her backpack and set it out neatly on the table in front of her. She'd then looked up at me with a huge grin on her beautiful face and introduced herself. I hadnt said anything at first, thinking that it was all some prank the 'pops were trying to pull. Then she had offered me the best think in the world; Popcorn. She had then gone on to tell me how she hated what they were doing to me and people like me, and she had left there group. You wanna know they best part? She had called them all ugly bitches. We had been best friends ever since.

"You would think they would get sick of all the teasing and gossip after a while, but noooo." Grumbled Stacey.

"I know what you mean." I sighed.

"No, but seriously, how can they get so much satisfaction out of seeing other people suffer?" She asked angrily.

"You tell me, you used to be one of them." It slipped out before I could stop it.

Stacey fixed a cold glare on me. "How could you say that, Holley?"

"Sorry, sorry, it slipped out!"

"Yeah, I can tell. But even if you hadn't of said it, you still woud have been thinking it."

I touched her arm gently, "I know your not like them, you never were."

She breathed a sigh of relief and smiled at me, her eyes brightening. "Im glad you understand. I never wanted to be apart of that, not even in the beginning."

"Then why were you?"  I asked the question I had been dying to from the very beginning of our friendship.

She sighed, "I honestly dont know.. I just sort of stumbled into the group by accident. I guess it took me two years to grow the balls to stick up for myself. In a way, im glad they smashed your glasses in front of me. If they hadn't, I would probably still be one of them." She glared hatefully at the large table of girls.

"Well in that case, im glad they smashed my glasses too." We both laughed.

Another two girl were walking up to the table, but they stopped when they reached us. One girl burst out laughing and the other had her mouth hanging open.

"OMG, look at her face!" Laughed the first girl

The second girl brought her hands up to her face, pretending to cover her eyes, "I. cant. Too. Horrible." She gasped out, shielding her eyes further.

The first girl laughed even harder. "I bet someone in her family did that to her. Wouldn't surprise me. It was probably her dad too. Oh wait. It couldnt have been, because her own father walked out on her!" That struck a nerve.

Stacey shot up out of her chair, her hands balld into fists. Oh this is not going to end well, I thought to myself. "Leave her alone for once in your 'perfect' little life!" She spat at  them.

Half of the school was staring at Stacey's outburst. I grabbed her arm and yanked until she sat down. She was fuming.

"Awww, little Stacey has to stick up for her little friend. Cant you talk for yourself, Freak?" This time I shot up.

I walked right up to her face, "Say another word and your 'perfect' life wont be so perfect." I threatened, my voice like ice; Cold and hard.

Stacey grabbed me from behind and pulled me backwards. I wanted to push her away, I wanted walk back up to the other girls and slap them across the face. They stared at us, eyes wide. When they recovered, they laughed and walked off, calling "Ugly freak" over their shoulders.

We sat back down at our table. My hands were shaking. I wanted to show those girls that I could easily hurt them, I wanted them to be afraid of me, I wanted them to cringe everytime they looked at me because they were scared. I shook my head several times, removing the fantasies from my brain before I could start to lay out a plan. I wasnt a violent person.

"Im glad you stuck up for yourself, but I dont think threatenign will hel, it will only make hings worse. Trust me, I know how they work. Once you give them the reaction they want.. They wont stop.. They'll just keep going to see how far they can drag you along." I knew what she was saying was true, but I couldnt stand the thought of them coming at me more and more.

"I had to do something." I whispered.

She placed her hand on top of mine, "I know, Holly, I know"