After her

5

Every time I look at her smiling with my son I know that I am falling. I really am.
I don't know but when she smiles I feel something like I felt with Riley, but harder.
God, I miss her so much, she was my best friend before being my girlfriend.
We were friends since I was three years old and she moved in my street. I always had a crush on her, but she was always watched by others and it bothered me so much. I start loving her at high school and when I told Riley I was in love with her, she gave me a slap because I didn't understand before and then she kissed me. We made love for the first time together when she was ready and one of that time was the reason we had Luke. We knew the risk, but we wanted to love each other in another level of the relationship. Of course it's too fast for sixteen children but what we knew about life? Nothing, we learned that when Luke was born but in the same moment we understood what death was.
But, for how much I loved Riley I never felt this way. I'm so into Dixie and she is driving me crazy. She always gives me signals that she is interested in me, but she is waiting.
I think I just realized that Riley is my beautiful struggling past. I loved her and I would have married her. But it's past and I have to move on.
«Dixie, can we talk? Please.»
She nods and follows me in my room.