Blood & Sympathy (FFVII: Vincent x OC)

Ch44 - Confession

Jocasta walked towards Vincent's room and her hand hesitated to open his door and walk in. Did he need her to be there? Or did he need space? But she knew he was tired, and he wouldn't be able to sleep with his nightmares. Not if she wasn't there to keep them away. It was strange how that mere scientific fact, made them both save each other from the midnight screams, and crying.

He sat up when the door of his room opened, but his shoulders relaxed when he saw that it was Jocasta. He felt relief when she hesitantly approached him, and he knew he'd be able to sleep now. Because she was there.

"I figured you might want to sleep," Jocasta said.

Her fingers messed with her long sleeves unbeknownst to her, and he knew that that was nervousness. After all these hugs and kisses. After all these nights that they had slept beside each other, there was still that awkwardness. That tension. She wasn't completely calm around him, and he too couldn't be completely himself around her, afraid that he'd lose control over his beasts. She still hadn't seen what he was capable of and he wished he could keep it that way. She would be scared of him if she ever saw what he really was, and he'd do anything so that wouldn't happen, because she'd run away. He didn't know why he didn't want that to happen. He needed her there. With him.

Vincent shifted his body letting some space for her to lie beside him. Jocasta unbuckled her cloak and she rested it beside his on a nearby chair. She slipped under the covers beside him. He passed his left clawed hand around her and his right hand reached for her waist, pulling her close. Jocasta buried her face in his neck and drew in his scent and she sighed. It felt so good being close to him. Being held like that by him. It felt like there was no Meteor, no Shinra, no Hojo. The voices in her mind were instantly silenced and she focused on nothing but his heartbeat and the hold of his hands around her. She only wished they could stay like that forever.

It felt so right and wrong at the same time. They were still not really sure what it was. What was that thing that made them want to cuddle up like that? Vincent pressed his nose and his lips on top of her head, drawing in her scent and he let his tired eyes close and a second later he wished that he hadn't, because all he saw was her. Lucrecia. She came back into his mind like a ghost and the problem was that he was letting her.

"It's alright," Jocasta's voice came and it hurt. Because these words meant that she knew what he was thinking. She knew that when he hugged her, kissed her, touched her, he was thinking of her. And he hated himself that he couldn't let her go.

Jocasta lifted her head to look up at him. He opened his eyes and he focused on her. Her lips were slightly parted, her grey eyes shined brightly in the dark as they found his. Her hand reached for his cheek and he savored every single little movement her thumb made on his skin. Her touch was so soft, unlike anything he'd ever known for the past thirty years. Her nose brushed against his as she gave him a warm smile.

"It's alright," she repeated.

How could she still say that when he was using her like that? When the moment he'd touch her, he'd think of another woman?

"I can wait," Jocasta said and he knew what she was talking about. Was she really hoping that he'd ever be able to move on?

Vincent shook his head "No... you deserve better," he said and he knew he was saying the truth. He knew what he was. He only deserved to be looked at as a monster, because that's what I am. No one was going to love a monster, with scars all over his body. With a missing arm and those beasts that were forced to stay inside of him forever.