A Special Mage (Ike x OC)

Chapter 5 - The Only Antidote

Since the day I confronted the general, I spent an extra week trying to improve my magic. This time, however, I wasn't as much of a hermit and actually hung out with Ranulf during some of our journeys, and even during the evenings that succeeded them. I thought that this adapted routine in addition to the extra week would finally allow me to recover, but of course, I couldn't have been more wrong. After trying almost everything under the sun, it seemed that nothing was going to work. As far as I knew, I just didn't have any magic left in me, if that was even a thing that happened.

The evening before the upcoming battle, I anxiously sat by my tent and eyed the ground, feeling extremely dissatisfied with myself. While there was still light, I tried fruitlessly to restore the grass below me with all the internal energy I could find, like I did every single day before, but only a few blades of grass turned green. Sure, a few blades were better than none, but at that rate, I would never be capable of unleashing battle-worthy attacks using Jörð. That required far more magic than healing a couple blades of grass.

By the end of that day, I shamefully updated the general on my severe lack of progress once he checked in with me like he promised he would. When I told him, I could literally feel the disappointment dripping out of him as he ordered me to stay behind from the battle. In turn, I felt even more disappointed in myself than I ever thought possible. It was one thing to fail at achieving my own goals, but letting others down in the process was another thing entirely. It wasn't like me to do that.

The next morning, I was roused by loud, frantic commands coming from at least three different voices, each ordering units to move further up north and to move quickly, or something along the lines of that. It was quite startling, but then I realized that it was just my comrades getting ready for the battle that I...was too weak to attend. Right. The sudden remembrance caused little waves of shame to bubble up into my conscious thoughts, but I was far too tired to give those feelings much attention. I mean, it was barely daybreak, meaning I probably got about...3 hours of sleep? So my eyes pleaded for me to drift off into a slumber once more, but the voices outside were the only thing preventing me from nodding off. Once the clamor died down after a few minutes, my eyes were finally able to slip shut, only reopening when the bright light from the late-morning sun illuminated the inside of my cloth fortress.

I only temporarily forgot about the battle upon opening my eyes, but as soon as my mind was awake enough, the general's disappointment was the only thing I could think about. I used to be so good at magic, what the hell is wrong with me? I thought as I slowly pulled myself out of my sleeping bag and pushed the tent flaps aside. Poking my head outside, I saw a bunch of people independently training with their weapons, and some were even sparring with each other. Another painful reminder that I still couldn't fight.

In an effort to hide from it all, I crawled behind my tent and sat there, staring blankly at the dried up grass beneath me. I almost felt too disheartened to continue trying my powers, but that was sure to earn me the title of a failure (if I hadn't earned it already), so quitting was never going to be an option for me. But as I expected, nothing had changed since the day before.

No. This is not ok. I can't just sit here and allow myself to keep failing like this. I have to try. I have to really try this time. Tightening my focus, I stared at the ground intensely, clenched my jaw, and let blood rush to my face. Magic comes from within, magic comes from within, I repeated the words of my fellow Masters over and over in my head, and a few blades of grass righted themselves, but no more. Come on, why? Why can't I do better than...whatever this garbage is? Out of frustration, I curled my hands into tight fists around the newly healed blades of grass, bending their previously straight forms.