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TITLE OF THE STORY : ATLANTIC MELODY AUTHOR : TheShipWriter913 REVIEWED BY : SAKSHAM
TITLE/COVER :
The title was attractive, sounding good and mysterious. It would attract a reader, good job there. The title had to give a hint about the story, which it did.
The cover is nice and appropriate, but looks a bit simple. It could have included some more elements, like the girl shown playing piano in one side. She could have been seen with her friend. You can ask someone to make a cover, people do it for a payment of follow and credit.
BLURB :
I really liked the blurb. It is developing reader's interest, so definitely helpful. What I'd suggest to add is an extract from the story, some suspence building scene or like that. It will surely make the reader want to read.
STORYLINE :
The storyline was nice. Atlantis isn't a cliche and will definitely attract readers interested in Greek or Roman Mythology. The Atlantis Civilization holds particularly interesting history. After the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series by Rick Riordan got popular, Greek mythology is being loved by readers.
VOCABULARY :
Nice use of vocabulary. Things were correct all over, try to seldom use a bit of more fancy words, making the readers flip the dictionary. Other than that, it was good.
GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATIONS :
Grammar was good. What I'd like to say is change paragraphs quite often. Long paragraphs aren't very attractive and readers might tend of lose interest in between. Change lines with every piece of dialogue. For example:-
"Hey, Leona. What's your next class?"
"I've got a free period, how about you?"
"I have to go for chemistry,"she sighs.
"Oh, you better get going or you'll be late,"said Leona looking at her wristwatch.
"Yeah, right. See ya later!"
"See ya!"
CHARACTERS/DIALOGUES :
Good work on dialogues, they seem realistic. Characters don't develop personalities, that's not a good sign. Each individual should have something which makes them unique, different than the others. Try and work on it, is Leona a short-tempered, or long-tempered? Don't simply write They are 'short-tempered', make it appear by their actions.
DESCRIPTIONS :
This was poor, readers should at least know if the main character is a kid, or a teenager. Her physical appearance wasn't described. Did she have long hair or short boy-cut hair? Were they brown or blonde, or just black? Every character should have atleast a long paragraph of description.
PACE :
The pace was slow, she just spends chapters and chapters at school, To be honest, I was quite excited to see what she'll do after she gets home, but then you finished the chapter and in the next chapter she was back at school. Her parents' involvement should have been a bit more.
FLOW OF THE STORY :
Not satisfactory flow, pace is slow and things are not very clear. Like, Imagine if you are watching some TV show and it just keeps going on showing a girl at school, just busy in her daily chores, without much of a suspense, it disconnects readers. Suspense should be such that readers can't leave the book after reading the first chapter.
OVERALL ENJOYMENT :
I enjoyed reading, just some impatient reader might not.
ANYTHING ELSE :
What I was just saying, suspense is a must. A very important element in your story. For an example, in the famous Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins, you will notice that she keeps suspense right before the end of one chapter, so that the reader can't put the book down without turning to the next chapter.
