[WesleyStromberg] Our Flower

Three.

“You want to go all the way into Hollywood to see them?” It’s really not that far and she knows it, she knows that it isn't a long distance and that it’s an easy drive really, she doesn’t even have to drive, I'm planning on driving, I just want to see him, and I'm sure that she wants to see Drew. I sound insane, suggesting something like this, trying to do something like this, it isn't like me, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, why all of a sudden I think this is okay, to just go on a drive and surprise someone who probably doesn’t want to see me.

But, if he doesn’t want to see me, then he should tell me, right, he would tell me, I know he would, he wouldn’t just expect me to pick up on the hint, I've never worked like that, I hate assuming things because it makes me nervous, I freak out, and most of the time I assume the worst and it’s never that bad. “I want to go to Hollywood to see him.” To be honest, as much as I love Keaton like my own brother, and as much as I'm okay with Drew, I only want to see Wesley, I want to hug him, I want to spend time with him, it feels like it’s been so long without him.

Combing my fingers through my hair, I sigh softly, watching as she bites down on her lower lip, contemplating what I'm trying to get her involved in, and usually the roles are reversed, she usually tries to convince me to do things. The last time we talked was two days ago, and we talked for hours, it was nice, I was happy again, we were a couple again, we talked about everything, from school to the show, from his new hat to my college applications.

Hearing his voice was nice, it was really nice, I went to bed with a smile on my face, which hasn’t happened in a long time, and he told me that he loves me. I'm not sure if he’s saying it because it’s something he’s used to saying, like it’s a routine to say it before he ends a conversation, but it still sent shivers down my spine hearing it from him. “If our parents say it’s okay, then I guess we can. I mean, it is Friday and I have no plans for the weekend.”

&.

It didn’t take much time to get my mom to agree to us driving up to Hollywood, actually, she agreed pretty quickly when I told her that I want to go and see Wesley and the guys. I think she hates what is going on between the two of us almost more than I do, considering she has to deal with me moping around the house, waiting for his call, seething over all of the comments about Demi wanting to sleep with him. I completely understand that girls find him attractive, I find him attractive, practically every girl at school finds him attractive, he’s a good looking guy, but there’s no reason to talk about wanting to sleep with someone.

Let’s have a little self-respect, please.

Part of me doesn’t want people to know about us, I don’t want to have to deal with people asking me questions about him, I don’t want people to think it’s okay to pay attention to me simply because of who I'm dating, and I most definitely don’t want the hate that the people who don’t like Emblem 3 get because Wesley is off the market. “What are you going to do when we get there?”

I don’t know how to answer Charley’s question, I haven’t really given that any thought, I know where they are, I just don’t know what to do, how to get to them, what I'm going to say, how he’s going to react. This entire plan is so unlike me that I'm not sure I'm myself anymore, I don’t know where I’ve gone, because when I told him that I wanted to leave home he freaked out, but we stayed the same, we still had our relationship. This time, it’s he who wanted to leave home, and he did, I wasn’t going to stop him like he tried to stop me, and look where we are now, nowhere good.

“Do you think that he’s going to want me there?” Turning the wheel, parking into one of the only open spots in the parking lot of the posh hotel, I run a hand through my hair, putting the gear in park and resting my forehead against the steering wheel. This was a bad idea, I shouldn’t have even thought of doing something like this, it’s pathetic that I'm this desperate for my boyfriend’s attention, that’s not healthy, right, that can’t be healthy, that I have to do something this extreme. For all I know they're busy all night and I drove up here for no reason.

Wesley and I weren’t perfect together, we had our fights and there are things about him that bother me and vice versa, it’s always been like that. He was the spontaneous one and I was always the one who had to know what the outcome was going to be and if the bad outcome was slightly more likely to happen I wanted nothing to do with something. The first time we met it was because he sat down on the swing next to mine at the playground at school, and he started talking to me, about what seemed like nonsense because I knew nothing about surfing, I still know nothing about surfing, and we just clicked; I would never just go up to someone and talk to him, but he came up to me and started talking to me, it’s just how the two of us work.

I wonder if he misses me as much as I miss him. It’s hard to tell sometimes. He’s not the best at showing his emotions, despite popular belief.

I don’t really understand why he even liked me in the beginning. I'm nothing compared to most of the girls at school. I'm just normal, I don’t have anything exotic or gorgeous about me, and he can have any girl that he wants, I know that he can, and that’s what scares me the most.

And now I realize that I'm not only in competition with fame. I'm in competition with fame and time and other girls.

He has to love me in order to want me around. That’s a tall order for a guy constantly around pretty girls and is famous.