[WesleyStromberg] Our Flower

Nine.

“He’s what?” My heart drops down to my stomach, and I think I can hear it beating in my ears, even though it’s all the way down in the pit of my stomach. “You're freaking lying. I told you I wanted only family.” Shaking my head, I run my fingers through my hair, frustrated and terrified tears filling my eyes. I want to move, I want to storm out of the kitchen and make it this whole dramatic scene, but I'm glued to where I am. My feet feel too heavy for me to move them.

Chewing on her lower lip, my mother places her mug of coffee on the island. “They are family. His family is our family. I can’t just stop a tradition because he’s a jerk.” At least she knows. At least she knows that he was always in the wrong with the ending of our relationship. That’s nice. She’s on my side. But, who the hell knows what side his family is on. Probably his side because they're his family, but that’s stupid because he ruined this relationship, not me.

She is right though. Christmas at our house with his family was always a tradition. Every single year I've spent Christmas with him, since I was born.

Crossing my arms over my chest, I feel it constrict, and I don’t think that I'm breathing properly. Honestly, who knows if I'm even breathing at all? Breathing isn't that important when you learn your ex-boyfriend is going to spend your favorite holiday with you even though you hate him so much that it hurts to know that deep down you still love him. “I'm not spending Christmas in this house if he’s going to be in it.”

I'm overreacting and I can see that I'm hurting my mom by arguing about a tradition she has with her best friend. But, really, shouldn’t her daughter come first? Isn't blood thicker than anything else?

I can see that I'm pushing her buttons, but she’s pushing my sanity. I was finally not crying constantly and I wasn’t thinking about how he used to be every second I had a chance to. It was something that I loved. I loved not crying over him. I loved not even missing the Wes that I loved. It was soothing.

With him around, on a holiday that is meant to be spent with people you love, I just can’t. I can’t do that to myself. I can’t put myself through the hurt. It hurts to think that he just tossed me to the side. He didn’t even care. I got the text messages and the voicemails. All he said was that he wanted to explain and talk. Not once had he said that he loved me. He didn’t beg me to take him back. And really, I didn’t expect it. I didn’t expect anything from this new Wes.

“You're going to spend Christmas with your family. You're spending Christmas in this house.” Her voice is strong, but I can hear the hurt in her voice. She’s not hurt enough to tell her best friend that her family can’t come over for the holiday. I love my mom. I do. She’s a great mom. But, I'm pretty sure that she would side with her best friend over anyone else. I'm never going to be above her best friend.

Raising an eyebrow, I tilt my head to the side, letting out a humorless laugh that sounds extremely masochistic, which I never intended it to, but it happened and I can’t just take back a laugh. “You're spending Christmas in this house. I'm spending Christmas at Charley’s, unless you want me to go back to New York. Hayley offered her house.” I've always talked back to my mom. I've never won, but it was worth a shot.

I don’t even know a Hayley.

“Dakotah Smithson, you're spending Christmas here and that’s final.”

Well, damn.