stains [ashton irwin]

31 March

Dear Ashton,

Things have gotten steadily busier from the start and I haven't gotten much time to think. I guess it's good, since I've had less time to reminisce about the past. I've spent my time dancing in my underwear to Drake and binging on nothing but junk food. It's what I've always wished for, although I'm not too sure anymore. Dad has been checking on me every other day, with the excuse that he 'misses his little girl'. He's never been that kind of person.

I wonder how you are. If you're living the dream you've told me about, out in California where the waves are bold and the heat is rampaging. If you have your arm around a different girl who does you even better than I did. Who wants to go on those 5 am runs with you and is willing to dive off of cliffs for you.

I should be content with my life right now instead of wishing for you. I've been doing much better than I've expected, even going out for a drink last night with a couple of coworkers who conjured the first genuine smile from me in months.

Were you really toxic like they told me?

I miss the touch of your fingers against my skin,

Love, Elena