abyss ↣ joe sugg au

fifty three

If Charlotte and Joe sat next to each other on the plane journey home, then take from that what you will.

There is no other way to crash and burn back into reality like getting hit by the torrential rain of the British November.

Despite the fact they were all heading back to reality, minus Troye and Tyler who set sail on a cruise the second they waved everyone else off for the airport, spirits were high.

Charlotte unwrapped herself from Caspar, her own personal umbrella and Bethany put down her actual umbrella and shook out the rain in Joe's face.

They piled into their cars on departure, only to drive to the Orange Lantern and have a hearty dinner that they all had to admit, was missed dearly whilst they were in LA.

It was only the sixth of November but their was already a festive buzz with Bert stopping by their table and discussing the Christmas specials passionately.

Charlotte batted him away, joked that whatever time of hers he wasted would be a bonus on her next pay cheque. Bert hit Charlotte on the back of the head with the menu before rolling his eyes at Joe, disappearing back behind the bar to chat up the elderly. 

#

Saying goodbye to Alfie and Zoe was hard, Charlotte even cried a little bit and Joe wouldn't let go of Zoe for a solid half-hour. 

Walking through the front door was even harder, the air was stale and cold and Charlotte burrowed into Joe's side on instinct. 

They threw their bags down on the bed and tugged the balcony door open, sliding down the wall seconds later to light a cigarette. 

"Nasty habit, this is." Joe spoke eventually, twirling the cigarette between his fingers. 

Although the amber light of the very end was always something that entranced Charlotte, and the smoke that slipped through her lips and fogged up her vision so she didn't have to see the world around her anymore was always something she revelled in. But now she fast realized that it wasn't that satisfying anymore. That if you were to compare the waters of LA to the smoke of a cigarette, nicotine will always lose. 

Charlotte leans to the side so she can see Joe observing his own cigarette like it's an endangered species.

"For something so nasty, you sure do seem fond."

Joe tripped out of his trance and put the cigarette back between his lips before speaking again, "Just want to remember my last one, s'all."

Charlotte raised her eyebrows. 

Joe grinned around the cigarette, before turning to face Charlotte, "Those kids we're having in three years will want a fit and healthy dad."

Charlotte cackles, choosing to ignore the butterflies in her stomach and shoves into Joe's side so the cigarette nearly falls out his mouth, "If you say one more thing about babies I swear to god it'll be the last words you speak, as well as your last cigarette, dumbass."

Joe hummed a laugh but dropped the subject, and a comfortable sort of silence settled around them again.

The butterflies in Charlotte's stomach never settled despite the hush though, they doubled, tripled until they filled her whole body with adrenaline. 

They should feel cold, t-shirts and jeans in November but Charlotte's skin felt ablaze. 

"You wanna go somewhere?" Charlotte asked Joe finally. 

Joe's answering grin was good enough, and Charlotte stood and ran through the apartment, not even stopping to see if Joe was following. He was though, always was, and he collided with her back as she opened their front door. 

They raced down the stairs, Joe nearly falling over and breaking his face but he doubted he would be able to feel it anyway. They were in their socks god dammit, they probably looked ridiculous, but neither of them could bring themselves to care. 

Charlotte ran for so long, never stopping to catch her breath, she lived for the ache of her lungs, the scratching in her throat, the unforgiving beating of her heart reminding her you're alive for god sake pay attention to me. She could hear Joe's panting breaths behind her, but didn't stop to look until she'd climbed up the steep hill in the park, this one so much bigger than the one near her old flat. 

"What are you doing?" Joe rasped as he followed her up the hill. 

When Charlotte reached the top, she spread her arms out wide and twirled around, shouting at the top of her lungs, "I, Joseph, am living for the days where the sun shines and the smile on my face isn't forced, I'll have you know. I'm living for the days where I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks because my scars are a part of my story and I don't need someone else's approval to wear them with pride."

Joe finally reaches the top, falls against Charlotte and laughs.

Charlotte's voice hushes to a whisper, a private promise between the pair of them, "I'm living for the life I've always wanted but was always too scared to pursue."

Joe pulls away eventually, blue eyes glistening at the familiarity of the words, tears nearly brimming at the fact that she remembered.

Joe skims his numb lips against Charlotte's. 

"When Rome burned down, the emperor didn't run away, he stayed and sang for his people. sing for your people. sing for him." Joe whispered into Charlotte's lips.

Charlotte bit her lip, trying to suppress a giggle before she pulled back from Joe once more, detaching her hands from his at the last minute. 

Joe furrowed his brows in wonder, crossing his arms and Charlotte brushed out the creases in her t-shirt, stood up straight and cleared her throat. 

And then.

"....You're insecure...don't know what for...you're turning heads when you walk through the d-oo-or."

Joe doubled over in laughter, grabbing at his stomach and weezing, setting Charlotte off into a fit of hysterics and if anyone were to see them now, standing on the top of a hill in the dark, socks ruined by the damp grass, singing One Direction like their lives depended on it, they may call them insane, but hey, Charlotte thought, when was any of this sane?

HELLO I AM ALIVE AND IM SO SO SORRY FOR THE LACK OF UPDATING THINGS ARE CRAZY ANYHOW THE RHETORICAL QUESTION AT THE END ONLY REALLY MAKES SENSE IF YOU REMEMBER IN ONE OF THE FIRST CHAPTERS SHE ASKS THAT QUESTION  AND RE-READ CHAPTER FORTY-TWO TO UNDERSTAND/REMEMBER THE QUOTING OF JOE'S LETTER IF YOU'VE FORGOTTEN.

this was crappy, im sorry but yeah soz