I Live to Serve

Chapter #6: I Made a Lot of Promises

Despite all of his inclinations to go check on both Paya and the Princess, Link had obeyed Impa's orders. his headache had only intensified after the conversation, and the combination of the physical toll and the reassurance that Zelda was in good hands led him back upstairs and into bed.

Besides, Link thought, even without the Sheikah soldiers, she was fine, wasn't she? Before Ganon it was different. Without her magic, Zelda was little more than a young girl with no experience in combat. But now, she was arguably more powerful than anyone in Hyrule. If there was a threat, she was more than capable of dealing with it. Link didn't really serve a purpose anymore, did he? At least not to her.

Pondering his purpose was all he could seem to do. At least when he had been with Paya it had distracted him for a while. But as soon as Impa had dismissed her, he was once again plagued by the neverending questioning in his mind. What was he, if not a knight? His life experience as he knew it was a year of fighting to accomplish a goal that no longer existed. He didn't have friends, not really, outside of maybe Paya and Sidon. He didn't have a home (his house in Hateno had been slept in twice, that didn't really count), or family, or anywhere to go. Those were the things on Link's mind as he drifted back into a slumber.

***

When the lonesome knight's eyes fluttered open next, the moon faintly illuminated the wooden floor behind the window. Link sighed when he saw the calming reflection. Some mix of the headache and consequences of the battle (not that he had much of an excuse to still be pained by a fight from over a week ago, but he did) had persuaded him to sleep through the rest of the day. What a glorious, strong knight he was.

"Link?" the whisper pulled him back into reality, and his head quickly darted about the room. His body reacted before his mind did. he was constantly ready for another fight, and so Link had scrambled out of bed before he even realized that it had been Paya's voice. The Sheikah in question was knelt in front of her desk just ahead of him at her desk, diary in hand. Her eyes widened as he practically fell out of bed. "Link, it's me, Paya," she assured him as she rose to her feet, diary now clutched in front of her chest.

Link allowed his shoulders to relax, and after a few quick glances around the room to ensure that they were indeed alone, he managed a smile. "Good evening, Paya," he turned again to face the moon, and although he couldn't see her, he felt her eyes burn on the back of his head.

The moon was a curious thing, indeed. During his journey, he had pondered the moon on one of the only occasions he allowed himself to take a moment to rest. He had been sitting by the fire cooking a plethora of elixirs for his subsequent journey up death mountain when he had allowed his eyes to fixate on the moon. Such a thing had been foolish; surely his trance had left him open to attacks. Nonetheless, he had become fascinated with the moon. It knew him better than he knew himself, didn't it? That moon must have been watching him since the very moment he was born. That moon remembered his first steps, his first duels, his friendships, his family... much more than Link could. A small, childish part of Link wanted to speak out loud to it. Ask it about himself. What was his favorite color? Did he have any pets growing up? Did he have the same voice before? All questions he longed to know. Of course, he didn't dare speak out loud. He had assumed that Zelda could hear and see his every move. How embarassing would it have been for a goddess-like princess, who was holding the very manifestation of evil at bay, to see her knight, who ought've been continuing on with his duty, speaking to the moon.

Link asked the moon those very same questions now as he stood beside the window. Please, he thought as his eyes glazed over. Who was I?

"Link?" Paya's voice, ever timid, echoed behind him. After another prolonged stare at the moon, He turned back to her. Her eyes held a question that he couldn't answer.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to sleep all day. I've just been... tired." Words flowed naturally from his mouth; such a thing was weird, but he didn't take much notice. Something about her presence soothed him enough to allow his mouth to move freely. He didn't have to worry about seeming a fool around her. "Ever since... well the castle... I don't know," he shook his head. There wasn't any reason for him to go on about his feelings to her. It's wasn't her responsibility, and even if it was, what would she do other than worry? No, he ought to stop being selfish.

"When are you planning on leaving?" Paya's voice was uncharacteristically calm. He blinked back at her. "I... are you going to go with the princess?" her normal timid air quickly returned.

"I don't think so," Link didn't think before speaking. He didn't have to; something inside of him knew. "I don't... I don't have any purpose to serve for the princess anymore. I don't really..." he shook his head. A cold night air filled his lungs as he took a deep breath in. "I'm not really the hero anymore, you know?" No, of course she didn't. But Link continued. "I'll have to find something else- I made a lot of promises to people, maybe I'll actually get around to them." His eyes averted to his collection of things laid beside his bed. Inside his knapsack (thank Hylia for Hestu and his blessings on the damn thing) was a small journal he had picked up in Kakariko village months ago. Inside, he had scrawled down notes of every promise he had made to people along the way. almost none of them were completed. Unless it was rather urgent, Link had only scribbled down reminders of what he had been asked of to complete one day when he wasn't fighting against the many manifestations of Ganon as well as the clock. That was now, wasn't it?

Paya stayed silent. She merely stared back at him; her deep grey eyes seemed to trace his face from his hair to his chin and back again. It was almost as if she was looking for something.

"That's probably what I'll do." Link decided aloud. It was spontaneous, but the sudden sense of purpose exhilarated him. There were people he could help. Zelda held the sealing power, but she had a kingdom to rebuild. Dozens of people had confided in him, and he would fulfill each and every one of their wishes. He would be a hero, but in a different way. A more humble way. "I can set out tomorrow, I'll talk to the princess, of course..." his words shrunk to a low murmur. there were things he'd have to do first, of course. But he would go. He would ride from Lanayru to the Gerudo Highlands, crossing out entries in that damn journal as he went...

"Master Link?" Paya peeped. Link eyes snapped back to her. "Pardon me... I truly hope this doesn't offend you, and I wouldn't say anything at all if... I have your best interest at heart, please keep that in mind, I don't wish to..." the air left her lungs quickly, and a sort of panicked pant entered her voice.

"Yes, Paya?" he tried to nudge her gently. Paya was a precious porcelain plate that might shatter at any point, it seemed. He wished terribly that some words from his end could work to soothe her.

"What if you... faint again, when you're alone. What if something happens to you?" her sweet, gentle words hit him like a swift kick to the gut. A new rush of worries entered his mind. She was right, of course. In little over a week he'd lost consciousness twice. Both times, someone trusted had been there. But what if he collapsed in the middle of a field searching for restless crickets? What then? Would he lay asleep for Hylia knows how long, with the hope that maybe some kind passerby find him before a boboklin? A rushing feeling of dread came over him. Such dependence was crippling, wasn't it? He couldn't do much of anything, could he? Not until he figured out what the hell was wrong with him. What failing of his own he had to confront.

"Link?" Paya's voice rang louder as she took a few steps towards him. He couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes. "Why... why don't you lay back down? We can... oh, I don't know, we'll figure something out tomorrow, alright? You ought to rest."

Rest. Rest for even longer. He was most annoyed at the exhaustion that still rang through him. Surely if he laid down he'd be able to find sleep once more- even after sleeping away the last few days altogether. Months of work had paralyzed him now. A trick from the Goddess. a consequence of having neglected himself for so long.

"Okay," he sunk back into the bed. She merely stood above him watching. "Paya?" immediately, she shook her head and turned away, arms now crossed, cradling her diary. Link was almost too tired to feel a small rush of guilt once more as he considered how dearly she seemed to be protecting it now. How horrified would she be to know that he had read it before? It didn't matter, she wouldn't know. It didn't matter at all.

"Good night, Paya." he murmured after a few minutes. He watched as her silhouette sunk down to the ground in her makeshift bed.

"Good night, Master Link," was her gentle reply.