Coming Home [Completed]

Ch. 30: i always cry at endings

Theo's room had been stripped of many of his personal effects in the past week. Those items which gave a teenager's room life—the posters, the pictures and postcards, the random trinkets, the childhood keepsakes—were all tightly packed into brown cardboard boxes carefully labelled and sitting in Mr. Broussard's car, awaiting tomorrow's journey. The furniture was still there, by and large, although without those things which gave the room life, Charlie thought the room resembled a body stripped of its skin and organs, with only a skeleton remaining.

Within these skeletal confines, Theo and Charlie found themselves enjoying a last meal together, which happened to be from Reynoso's, the site of many milestones in their relationship. It was August now. The school year had come to a close; prom, AP tests, graduation, senior week, and grad parties all passed by in a blur. Charlie felt like he could hardly recall any time between the county championship game and mid-June, but the past two months, he believed, would be permanently etched into his memory. He'd seen Theo every day, basically all day, for sixty-three days and counting now. The two had resolved to make the most of their limited time left together.

Theo had fretted about them hitting a rough patch during that blurry whirlwind of their high school denouement, but instead of letting any emotions fester to the point of resentment, he'd managed to be straightforward with Charlie and tell him how he felt. That's when they'd committed to their two months of inseparability. Now, even that must come to a close now as Theo had a plane ticket for Charles DeGaulle Airport dated tomorrow. They wouldn't see each other in the flesh until winter break, four months from now, but neither wanted to think about that at the moment.

The two were silent as they picked at their burgers and fries, which had come in those metallic takeout containers that were probably horrendous for the environment, but managed to provide a nostalgic sense of security for Theo in that moment. He'd miss the American-ness of it all once he left, he'd come to realize.

Neither boy wanted to address that Sword of Damocles hanging over them: Theo's imminent departure, so both resolved to say nothing at all.

That is, until Charlie started not-so-covertly swiping Theo's fries.

"Hey!" Theo protested, "eat your own damn fries. These are the last ones I'm going to have for months."

"That can't be true. You're telling me there aren't any French fries in France."

"Well, of course there are, but none like Reynoso's."

"Fair. Is that what you're going to miss the most then?" Charlie winced at the inadvertent sincerity and naked vulnerability of his question, in context.

"You should know that's not what I'm going to miss the most."

Charlie schooled his expression to a smile, "I know I just want to hear you say it."

Theo moves from his sitting position to up on his knees so that he was now face-to-face with his boyfriend, "you, Charles Francis Xavier Holloway, will he what I miss the most when I leave here."

Charlie's smile shifted to a smirk before he surged forward to connect Theo's own smirk with his. Their lip lock was relatively brief, however.

"I take it back. I think kissing you is what I'm going to miss the most," Theo proclaimed, probably joking but definitely out of breath.

"I'll miss you so much. I can't bear to think about how in twelve hours you won't be here anymore," Charlie admitted.

"I hope you know I feel the same way. It feels like I'm wrenching my heart out of my chest," Theo concurred.

"What will become of us?"

"I don't know. I didn't think we'd last this long, eight months, if I'm being honest. But, we're eighteen. We've got our whole lives ahead of us to figure it out."

"It's just since I can remember it's felt like my default emotion has been this neutral feeling, sometimes veering into happiness or sadness, but mostly just a nothingness, but now, in these past few months, I've actually been happy, like all the time. I know it's selfish but I don't want it to end."

"I don't want it to end either. You need to know, Charlie, that I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't think it was something I absolutely had to do."

"I know that," Charlie said, as Theo gently wiped a tear from his boyfriend's eye, "but it still sucks."

"That it does."

"I can't lie. I'm still kinda mad at you for leaving, but I'm proud of you at the same time."

"I'm mad at myself, if that's any consolation. I wish I didn't feel like I had to do this."

"But you do, so you must."

"I will always love you, no matter what happens in a month, a year, a lifetime. You just need to know that, Charlie."

"The same is true for me, Theo. I think in some shape or form we'll always be in each other's lives."

__________________________

As Charlie left the airport the next morning with the rump Broussard clan (Mrs. Broussard was going to Paris for a few days to help Theo settle in), he kept this hope alive that at some point Theo would turn around, maybe at the TSA kind, maybe at the gate, or maybe just before the plane doors close for takeoff, and race back for a dramatic reunion with him like in one of those cheesy romcom they had watched together that summer.

But, that didn't happen. Charlie watched the sky as Mr. Broussard drove away from the airport parking lot, just as they reached the limits of the city, a plane flew overhead. It could've been Theo's; it probably wasn't, but this is when Charlie fully realized the reality of their separation. There would be texts, and emails, and calls, and FaceTimes, and maybe even letters, but nothing could make up for the feeling of Theo's body in proximity to his—not sexually, but simply intimately. It'd be a long time before that'd happen again and Charlie knew he had to accept it.

Charlie was upset that his romcom fantasy never came true, but his emotional well-being wasn't deteriorating like when Emma Watson left Logan Lerman for college in Perks of Being a Wallflower. Charlie owed that to his maturation in the past year and the work he'd put in with therapy. He wasn't the person whom Theo had first encountered all those years ago, but the change was for the better this time.

In a few short days, Charlie would be starting his own journey when he moved into his Columbia dorms. Change is inevitable; it's the only constant in life. Charlie had finally found his home, in Theo, and now he'd had to wait until he could return. He accepted that, but it still made him feel like shit.

What a world of possibilities awaited Charlie. Some of those possibilities included Theo, but others didn't. They were a huge part of each other's lives but not not their whole lives. They were eighteen; there'd be plenty of time for that, if it's meant to be. Charlie had accepted that he can't perfect the world, he can only better himself and he's okay with that.

The End.