Welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, well. Look who the fuck decided to write again. That's right it's me. Things are still tense but they're truly better. Dad has a girlfriend and she's great honestly. I'm so happy that he found someone that could help us heal him. We definitely could not have done that ourselves, well it would've taken a hell of a lot longer, that's all. Anyways, i'm happy she's around, she helps him so much and I over heard a conversation of theirs once and she was explaining the reason she divorced her own husband. Although, I might've been eavesdropping a bit, the story was still nice to hear. I felt by listening to her side and her experiences, i could learn more about her and accept her into our family, whether it be just for a couple of months(i hope not) or for years to come. I have something to write here but i don't know how to transition into it so i'm just gonna say it. During the hard times in the beginning, my dad went to church more frequently than usual. So that means twice or three times a week rather than none. And he kept that up for a while but there was something that, in my eyes, helped him more than the church ever did. And that thing was music. Nowadays, there is not a day that goes by where he doesn't play his music out loud on his stereo in the kitchen or in his room. It was similar to the way teenagers act when they first discover that the universe creates various bands and types of music and they can choose something to listen to and love during their tough teen years. My dad was teenager again. He turned to music when times got tough. He "turned away" from religion and therapy and turned straight to music and bands that seemed to help him so much more than any church or therapist did. I felt like that was noteworthy to add here. I loved seeing him turn to music for answers and happiness because it made me feel like he understood me and how i do the same when the world seems to be falling into pieces. So dad is doing well and my brothers seem to be better so how am I feeling? Honestly, I don't know how i feel. It's currently Christmas break and i feel sad but it's not about the divorce. It's about my life in general. But again i do not have a reason to be. My best friend is doing well, my other friend is doing well, i kinda lost one of my other friends because we simply just haven't talked since the day break started and i guess that's kinda bumming me out too. But i really don't know why i'm sad, i think i've been by myself and away from people too long. I need school to start again so it will save me from my wondering head and dreary thoughts. My head has kind of been pressuring me to find a sexuality so it finally has a label but i can't seem to find happiness with that. I sort of told my friend i was bisexual, she already knows that i don't like labeling my sexuality and stuff so shes fine with it, but even when i told her, i didn't feel relief or happiness it was kinda like eh whatever. That leads me to believe that my brain doesn't care if i pick a sexuality so I'm back to square 1 with that happiness thing again. I think i'm lonely and need a significant other to be around. I recently found a guy that i go to school with's blog and i kinda want to date him, i think that would be really cool. But you know, for now i'll just keep existing until something gives me a reason to live. It's 2:30 am, tell me to sleep.
