Blue
"Are you just gonna play with that every night?" Tanong ni Steve at bigla umupo sa tabi ko dito sa hagdan sa front door ng bahay kaya itinigil ko ang paglalaro sa singsing na 'king hawak and let out deep breath. "Kailan ka ba magpopropose?" tanong niya ulit kaya mas lalong nalaglag ang balikat ko.
"Soon" sabi ko lang at tumingala sa langit dahil kahit ako hindi ko alam. Pero sigurado ako na kay Alexa ko gusto matali.
Ginaya naman ni Steve kung sa'n ako nakatingin at huminga rin ng malalim. "I know you're sure about her pero bakit parang matatagalan ka pa yatang magpropose?" seryoso niya pang tanong pero hindi ko magawang mainis. Baka this is the time I need to vent my feelings out.
"Gusto ko pang bumawi sa kanya" I said and looked at the ring in my hand. "Gusto ko mafeel na deserved kong magpropose"
He then looked at me with confusion. "I don't get it" he said.
"When I found out you and Stella are dating, anger poisoned my system enough to make me stop growing"
"I'm sorry" he interrupted so I held his hand with my both hands and leaned on his shoulder.
"I became this cold hearted, self-centered, insensitive, and childish person everyone hates" I paused then chuckled but Steve remained quiet. "But I hate them more and you. I'm mad at the world enough for me not to care and closed my heart. Ang dami kong nagawang decision out of impulsiveness until I did something that would make me also hate myself" my tears started falling as I remembered the night I brought my cousin to Jessey's mansion. "I'm still guilty kuya. It's still eating me kapag naaalala ko 'yong nangyari after that night" parang batang sumbong ko sa kanya habang umiiyak.
He then hugged me tight "No one's blaming you baby, even Lilac didn't blame you kaya forgive yourself" he said and I don't know why but his words ease all my worries. Parang nagkaroon ako ng kakampi after years of battling with myself.
I wiped my tears and chuckled. "Matatagalan pa siguro, marami rin akong kasalanan kay Alexa" I sighed and looked at the ring. Doubting myself.
"Did you cheat?" he asked at umiling ako bilang sagot, I can never do that. "Then why are you doubting yourself?" he added so I glanced at him before umayos ng upo. He's confused.
"Alam mo naman she came into my life when I hated you and everyone. Kaso hindi ko magawang mainis sa kanya so I bullied her but the girl's tough" we both laughed at what I said. "Until I tasted her luscious lips. I craved for it every damn time so whenever I had the chance, i'd kiss her and when I had the chance to have her, I took it." I held Steve's hands and mouthed sorry but he just smiled parang kinikilig ang loko kaya siniko ko siya before continuing. "My sexual desire made me look at her as an object satisfying me and every time maaalala ko 'yon, I can't help but to feel I don't deserved her" tears escaped from my eyes but Steve immediately wiped it through his hand.
"Kuya is always here for you if you would only let me" he said, letting me feel the love and concern. "Let me help you" he added full of sincerity.
"I'd figure this out on my own" mabilis kong sagot.
"You've been figuring things out on your own for years" madiin niyang pahayag so I cupped his face to ease his worries.
"This time I'd make it different. Iba kapag inlove kuya, mas may direksyon and motivation" determinado kong sabi pero nagulat ako nang yakapin niya ako. I felt his longing for this so I just let him.
"Did you call me kuya?" nangingiting tumango ako sa balikat niya at niyakap siya pabalik. Feel kong parang nawalan ako ng tinik sa dibdib. I've been wanting to hug him like this since I felt i'm healed but pinapangunahan naman ako ng hiya.
