Time of Your Life {A Million Girls #3}

🎶 Chapter 21

Billie's P.O.V:

I stood in front of the full-length mirror in the master bedroom of the house. I couldn't call it my bedroom anymore; it was meant to be our bedroom, but now I had no one to share it with. I stared at my reflection, but I didn't recognise myself. I was paler than usual, and I looked horrendous from the lack of sleep, which came about by my staying up all night every night crying my out into one of (Y/n)'s t-shirts because it still smelled like her. This wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to be here, dressed all in black like this. The only time that I should be dressed up is for events, and award shows, and (Y/n) is supposed to be by my side, dressed gorgeously, and planting a kiss on my cheek. I was not supposed to be getting ready for her funeral; she was far too young to die. We were supposed to grow old together and die together. I continued to look at myself in the mirror, trying to do my tie, as there was a knock on the already slightly ajar bedroom door. I looked up to see my mother stood there. "Hey," I said, my nose crinkling as I tried to suppress the tears that were forming. "Let me help you with that." She offered, making her way over to me.

"It's okay," I said. "I've got it." I hadn't got it; my hands were shaking frantically. My mother shot me a look, which resulted in me giving up, and allowing my mother to tie my tie. I didn't make any eye contact with her; I just stared at the floor. I was a fully grown man, with his mother doing his tie; I felt completely pathetic and useless. "Is everyone else ready?" I asked, my mind whirring; this was the last thing they were supposed to be doing. My children, grown-up as they were, shouldn't have to bury their mother today; they shouldn't have to for a long time. I clenched my fists as that night replayed over in my head; how she died in my arms, I replayed it over and over and it made me angrier. My mother took my hand in hers. "I know, Billie." She said as I felt her eyes watching me.

"This shouldn't be happening," I stated. "They shouldn't have to be getting ready for their mother's funeral. I shouldn't have to get ready for my wife's funeral." I shook my head in frustration. "Getting angry isn't going to help, you know that Billie."

"I know, but I wish it did," I admitted. "I wish it made it easier because my wife doesn't deserve to be dead; she shouldn't be ." I felt a lump forming in my throat. 

"I know, Billie. I know." She repeated, before tapping the now done up tie.

"I want to get this over with," I admitted, looking in the mirror one last time, checking my pocket for eulogy that I had written, before heading downstairs. Piper, Joey, Jakob, Amelia, Connor were sat on the sofa with Tre, Mike, (Y/B/F/n), and Brittany. Amelia and Connor's baby was fast asleep in the pram. I walked over and stroked my granddaughter's head. I was followed in by my mother. Amelia, Joey, Jakob, Piper jumped from the sofa and ran into my arms. I embraced them, holding them tight. "Dad? I'm scared." Joey told me.

"Me too." I said,  wiping away a tear.

"I don't want to have to say goodbye to her."

"Neither do I." I said, looking at all of them. "It's going to be okay. We might not be able to see her, but she will always be here." I told them.

"Always?"

"Always," I said, as I took their hands in each on mine as together we walked out of the house, followed by my mother, Tre, (Y/B/F/n), Brittany, and Mike. We all got into the cars and headed towards the church. Amelia, Connor, Joey, Jakob, Piper, my Mom and I all got into one car, and the other five got into the second car. All the way to the church, both Joseph and Aria gripped my hands tight. "I'm not ready for this," Piper said. "I don't think I can do this." I looked at her, and pulled her towards me, allowing her to cry into my suit. "I'm not sure I can do it either, but we can. We will all do this together." I kissed the top of her head.