Time of Your Life {A Million Girls #3}

🎶 Chapter 16

*A/n* - Weirdly, this chapter was inspired by the songs 'Burn' and 'Wait for it' from Hamilton. I love that show and I am so glad that they've put in on Disney+ now!

Have you seen it? What's your favourite song? Favourite character? 

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You came down the stairs from your bedroom, in your hand, you were holding onto envelopes, cards and stacks of paper. You had a job to do and you were determined to do it. You had decided that you wanted to write everyone letters to read after you had passed, allowing you to say goodbye to everyone as you didn't think that you would be able to do it in person; it was a way of ensuring that you said goodbye to everyone that mattered; Amelia, Joey, Jakob, Piper, Mike, Tre, Ollie, and of course, Billie. 

"What are you doing?" Billie asked as he stood over you as you sat at the dining room table. His hat was still firmly attached to your head. It had become a necessity in your life, you wouldn't go anywhere without it; it had become a part of you and you weren't prepared to let it go. 

"I'm writing letters and cards." You said, pointing at the stack of papers, cards, and envelopes sat in front of you as if to say 'what does it look like I'm doing?' Billie gave a small laugh as he knew that you were looking at him like he was an idiot and asking a stupid question. He always laughed when you did this.

"What for?" He asked, as you placed the pen down on the table and turning yourself around slowly in the chair to face him. "For when I'm gone." Billie's face dropped immediately as he heard your reply. He took a deep breath, unsure of how to reply, so eventually, he just went with: "I see." He looked at you with desperation in his eyes, desperate for you to stay with him for the rest of his life but you knew that it was unlikely that was going to happen, and deep down he knew this too but was till absolutely terrified to admit it. "Do you have to do this now?" He asked. 

"What if I don't get another chance?" You asked, feeling the tears stinging behind your eyes, every day, this was becoming more and more real not for just you, but Billie too. "I need to say goodbye, I need to tell them how much I love them, all of them. Amelia, Joey and Jakob, Piper, Ollie, Mike Tre." You stopped, taking his hands in yours. "You." He shook his head, tears forming in his eyes now too. "I don't want you to say goodbye." He pulled you close to him and placed his forehead against yours.

"I'll be in the studio if you need me." He smiled slightly, kissing your cheek before he walked off towards his the home studio and closing the door behind him as he didn't want to disturb you. You continued to scribble down all of your thoughts and feeling on each piece of paper and each card that you had ready. You had ended up spending a fortune on cards for every occasion, weddings, engagements, births, special birthdays, anniversaries; You had thought of everything. Knowing that you weren't going to be there to see your children for some of the biggest moments in their lives was incredibly heartbreaking for you, so even when you were gone, you wanted them to know that you were still there celebrating with them even if you weren't there physically with them. 

You wrote every card with your neatest possible handwriting, congratulating them on whatever event it was and telling them how much you loved them. For the cards you had bought for yours and Billie's anniversary you constantly told Billie how much you loved him and what a wonderful man he is. On the back of all of the envelopes, you write out instruction for Billie so he would know what to do when the time came to it. You placed them all into a pile ready to be stored away, ready for when the time arrived for them to given out. 

Billie's P.O.V:

I closed the door behind me and instinctively picked up my guitar within a second, and started strumming at the strings without the thinking of what I wanted to sing; I already knew it in my heart and I was already singing inside of my head:

"Do you know what's worth fighting for, when it's not worth dying for? Does it take your breath away and you feel yourself suffocating? Does the pain weigh out the pride as you look for a place to hide? Did someone break your heart inside? You're in ruins." I sang, tear already streaming down my face. I was not ashamed to be emotional. 

"One, twenty-one guns. Lay down your arms, give up the fight. One, twenty-one guns. Throw up your arms, into the sky. You and I. When you're at the end of the road and you've lost all sense of control and your thoughts have taken their toll, when your mind breaks the spirit of your soul. Your faith walks on broken glass and the hangover doesn't pass. Nothing's ever built to last, you're in ruins. One, twenty-one guns. Lay down your arms, give up the fight. One twenty-guns throw up your arms into the sky; you and I." The tears were streaming endlessly but I wasn't going to stop singing. 

"Did you try to live on your own when you burnt down the house at home? Did you stand to close to the fire, like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone? When it's time to live and let die and you can't get another try, something inside this heart has died, you're in ruins."  I couldn't finish the rest of the song, I was too busy choking on my tears, faced with the reality of what was going to happen.