Styles, Harry Styles. (#Wattys2015)

Special Day

It's been about a week now since I've been staying over at Harry's. 

It was really nice of him to let me stay here. His mum keeps insisting I call her Anne instead of Mrs Styles. It's almost as if his family has made me part of their family as well, and it feels comforting. I needed to feel welcome like this and the Styles did exactly that for me; I couldn't be more grateful.

Gemma, his sister has been really friendly too. I sometimes sleep in her room whenever I feel the need to be alone, as she is not always home anyway. She also treats me like her little sister, and that makes me feel odd but happy at the same time; I mean, I've always been an only child, so I never really knew how it felt, but she gave me some taste of it.

Since I lost my mum, I keep having nightmares that my father will find me again. It makes me paranoid and although I know he doesn't know who Harry is though or where he lives, I feel as though I am putting his family in danger. Whenever I try to step out of the house, I find myself having an anxiety attack, most of the time. Harry always reassures me that everything will be okay and that my father won't do anything, but I am dubious of that.

I am not ready to go back to my house yet, and Harry, being the perfect boyfriend that he is, keeps going to my house, just to get all of the things I need. I tell him that he shouldn't worry about it, because I'm scared that my dad might be on the lookout, but he says that he's always careful. I've also not been physically and emotionally stable yet – I'm still a wreck; Harry does all the cooking and cleaning whenever Anne or Gemma aren't around. For that, I feel horrible and completely useless – I wish I could contribute as well, since I am living with them too – but nothing gives me a boost to get out of bed in the morning. I spend most of my time in bed; the only time I get up is to go to the washroom or take a shower, which is something I do several times a day, since long showers make time go by faster.

I also feel bad, because Harry missed the whole week of school just to spend time with me in the house. He also knows that I have been bad again and he knows about me starting to drink, cut and smoke, which is why he's probably sticking around. I'm not exactly sure, but whenever I ask, he says that he's scared of losing me and that school doesn't really matter right now.

"Besides, we can catch up with school work together later." I hear his voice in my head repeat the same sentence for the tenth time, and I can't help but smirk a little.

However, tomorrow, Harry is supposed to go back to school, because Anne is starting to worry about his grades. I don't want him to go because when he's around, I don't feel alone and I feel safe, but I can't be selfish and tell him to stick around – he's already done so much and how could I possibly ask for more?

I can't help but think of the things we've done together so far, when he was supposed to be in class. We've played cards, board games, video games for the last week. How will I spend my time when he's at school now? I should probably go back too, but I don't want to, not yet, at least.

Harry gets up and leaves the room, which smells like a mixture of cigarettes, alcohol and perfume. I keep telling him that we're better off spending our days somewhere else in the house so that he doesn't have to get used to that funny smell. I've tried my best to not keep the room messy and smelly, but clearly I've failed and the reason for that is because of the sadness found deep within me and perhaps, laziness.

"Julieee!" I hear Harry's voice. He's probably in the kitchen and got the ingredients for whatever we're going to make. I shut the door after turning the light off and I go to the kitchen to see Harry shirtless by the radio.

"Looking good Styles."

"Styles, Harry Styles"

There's a long silence and after a while I realize that I'm still staring at his abs and he's just there looking at me, perhaps perplexed.