Styles, Harry Styles. (#Wattys2015)

The Game

The Game

"So...do you want to start or should I?"

"Ladies first." He smiles.

"Alright, err...Sorry I don't really know what to say but um...well okay I could never listen to what they tell me, I feel like one day I'm going to just burst, it's too much for me. Is that how the game goes?"

"Yes, we just say one fact about ourselves and we'll take turn. You're allowed to comment in between too, just like I'm about to."

"Okay."

"You mean just like how I exploded today? You know what; you've got to stand up for yourself. You can't just let them get to you like that, sometimes it's just too much and you know what, not doing anything about it kills you. To be strong you've got to not be afraid to do something to stop it and to stop you from getting there."

I look at him in the eye and he's smiling, he doesn't say anything for a minute and neither do I.

"Alright, my turn...err. It's quite hard for me to admit this, but you know...I don't actually like to be the popular one. I do not like the fact that girls are all over me and go crazy about me. This is just not who I am. I am actually a very quiet person, just like you and at school I have a different personality than at home...But, I mean, it's only because everybody is so judgemental, how can I ever be myself? A lot of people bully me right now and I know this would occur too even if I was my real self at school."

"Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars,

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,

It's okay not to be okay.

Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart,

Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,

Just be true to who you are."

Tears were streaming down his face once again. I've never seen boys cry in public, not at school or anywhere. The first time ever was Harry and it was in his class and the second time is right now. I give him a hug and tell him "It's okay; we'll get through it together."

"I...also have another thing to show you."

"What is it, Harry?"

"I know you trust me because I never told anyone about what I saw that day when I came over and well, I trust you. You are the only person who knows about this, but..." He lifted up his sleeves and I saw his cuts. They matched mine, almost. I did the same and before I know it, he took my arms and started to kiss my cuts and so I did the same. It was somewhat comforting. I didn't show him the cuts on my stomach or thighs though.

"There's a story behind each one of them." He whispered and I said "Mhm."

"Babe like you said, we'll get through this together."

"We will." I reassured him and I give him a kiss on the cheek.

"Harry, promise me you'll never do it again, ever. I know it gets really hard sometimes and you want to hurt yourself to make you feel better or because you feel that things happen because of you, but please, stay strong. Don't hurt yourself like that, you are such a precious and beautiful human being and you mean so much to me. More than you'll ever know."

"I'll promise... only if you do the same."

I hesitate for a moment, only because I know how hard for me it would be to keep this promise, but then again I don't want Harry to hurt ho,se;f, because he's the one that really saved me, and he didn't do it just once. How could I be selfish and refuse to say no right now?

"Okay, promise."

"Pinky?"

"Pinky promise."

He smiles and then looks down at the ground.

"It's your turn now."

"Okay. Err...well I must admit that I never felt loved in my life. My parents are always fighting... they ended up getting a divorce. That didn't really help though, because it only made it worse. My dad re-married and got kids, and yet he still comes back sometimes and argues with my mum over me. My mum became an addict and even if I love her and we're tight, sometimes we fight and her words kill me on the inside."

"When I was little, my dad molested me. He died of cancer after that. I grew up with my mum and sister, so I respect women a lot. I became popular at school only because of the boys. They saved me. Even if I grew up with the two ladies and my dad wasn't there, I kept getting flashbacks because we still lived in the same house as before. My mum sent me to a therapist and I felt so bad because I was doing very badly, and I never spoke the truth, ever. I feel terrible till this day because my mum had wasted so much money on me for that. Eventually, I was on pills and I attempted many times. 

The boys saved me. Louis was the first one to talk to me, he was the one who told them to stop bullying me and they didn't. When I was young, I'd wear purple and pink polos sometimes and they made fun of me for that. But it's okay right? They're just colors, so why does it matter? I never really had a father who taught me how to dress like boys do. Liam then came along and Louis and I became friends with him. They were my only friends. Liam had two best friends though, Niall and Zayn. We never met them until we moved from elementary to secondary schools."

"Harry...I, err...um...am...so sorry."

"It's okay, really. I mean, what can I say? We all have problems, right? Life's just a mess, but you've just got to try your best to get through that mess and clean it all up to really enjoy it, I guess? Life is a mess because it's kind of like something dirty, once you clean it up, you feel the satisfaction."

 "Yeah...I guess so."

"Well Harry, just like how Louis and the boys saved you...since we're on that topic, I just want to say that you saved me. You really did. I mean, it's not only from today, but it was from that night and yesterday and the park. You may be really important to somebody, but you might not ever know about it because they might just be too scared to tell you and you might have saved someone and you wouldn't know about it unless they told you, so yeah. I don't want you to ever feel worthless ever, because you are not. If it weren't for you, I'd probably be dead by now."

"Throughout everything and all the times I've attempted, I've learned that maybe, just maybe I never succeeded at the plan to kill myself, because maybe there was a better plan for me. And you know what? I guess I was right; there was a better plan for me. If I had died from trying to kill myself the first time, then maybe things would've been different. I guess I just have to wait and wake up every single day, wondering what challenge life brings for me." He says.

"Hey, what's life without a challenge anyway?" I say and manage to smile.

"You're right, it'd be boring. Sometimes unexpected things happen just like that and I guess you always have to accept it. Out of every bad, there's always something good in it. No matter how hard it will get, we'll get through it if we stay strong. Challenges are meant to be hard and are meant to be achieved, but they'll never be achieved if we just give up half way through."

"You're right."

My phone vibrates and I take it out of my pocket.

There's a text from my mum saying, "Come home .x"

I remember that I have detention, so I tell her I'll be late and I tell Harry I have to go. He gives me a kiss on forehead and we hug for a bit.

"Thank you, for everything."

"No, thank you." I say.

"I'll talk to you later?"

"Yeah, bye love."

"Good bye."