Manic - A Book of Poetry

Intent

Intent

I really wish I didn’t have to kill you

but your damn obsession with the game show network

and green apples, always green apples.  God forbid anything

red stain those pale pink crescents that turned downwards

when I asked you to leave.  We’re going in circles babe.

Round and round a carousal of fucked up memories.

You sloppily kissing a bridesmaid at my sister’s wedding

baby pink dresses and your tongue poisoned with champagne

and a high school fetish for red heads and humor.  I’m dry.

Brown pine needles only good for fires and ruining

your backyard landscape and maybe if we cut the tree down

we won’t deal with dying parts crushing the daffodils.

I can’t look outside without being forced on the carnival ride.

I think I’m going to throw up.  You left one sock and I wonder

if you’re standing in your apartment wondering where

the matching pair is and when you think that maybe I have it

you bite into a green apple and think to buy another pair at Walmart.

I could burn this cotton memory but I’m afraid of matches

and going to McDonalds after eleven when we’d buy food

with quarters and  complain if they put ketchup on your burger.

I always thought your were picky and selfish and when I told you

I was surprised I didn’t cry and you did.  We bought those

suitcases together, you took them but I still hear the water running

at three p.m. trying to hide your self-love because I refuse

to touch you anymore.  I scrubbed the sheets until

my knuckles were white but I still smell you, sweet

sweat mixed with gasoline.  I’ll burn these too.  And the

photos and dump the organic orange juice down the drain

but it still won’t erase the flickering lights enticing me

to play this game, be this tall to ride this ride even though

I hate roller coasters but your presence and exit turned my life

into a game of pretend you don’t haunt me.  I always lose.

So I’ll make voodoo dolls out of overripe bananas that only

you would eat and root beer floats and bury you

in the backyard near the flowers I no longer water.